Indwelling

There's a gal I've known since kindergarten, Almerry. I saw on facebook that her sister died. Her sister was 2 years older than I, but being such a small town I knew who her sister was, though I didn't *know* her. I can't help but think of Almerry at this time. Then, a good friend from college, Jen, said on facebook how this gal died also. Apparently Jen went to the same church as Tacy. I've been praying for the friends and family of Tacy since I heard the news. She left behind a husband and two children. Her obituary is just beautiful, truly a tribute to a woman of God. What kind of obituary will they write for me? Will it be just as lovely? Will those who know me but don't *know* me know that I loved Jesus? Is it evident in the way I live? What memories will my children have of me?

Friday I had a breaking point. I broke down. I cried before God and my children. I sought forgiveness from all. For the way I was living was NOT the way I wanted to live. I was so selfish, living for myself and totally not living with the Holy Spirit indwelling me. As I read a new devotional I bought and a book for book club, in addition to my Bible, I can't help but grow. I can't help but see my fault in it. For so long I've wondered HOW to change. I wanted to change but I just felt stuck. Well, duh, I was not allowing HIS Spirit to live in me and guide me. I'm thankful for His grace, His forgiveness and His nudges. I'm thankful for the Spirit that can live inside of me to guide me to live for Him. And I pray that this is just the beginning of me being back on the 'straight and narrow'. Please pray for me!