My 'Perfect' World

While cleaning Little Man up from dinner last night he says, "Mommy, you never play with me in my room." I could feel the knife cut deep to the heart. Then Princess pipes up, "Yeah, you never come and play Barbies with me." Twist that knife and the bleeding is severe. Talk about adding to the guilt I already feel.

Last night Cuddly Boy woke up crying. So, I went to sleep with him because I thought I'd just be there a short while and be able to go and enjoy my bed. Have I mentioned that I haven't slept well all week as he's been waking at night? Or that my back is KILLING me? So, he just does not want to fall back to sleep. He's tossing and turning, playing with my hair which tickles my face. He's laying half on me and I'm on the edge of the bumpy, most uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Finally I went back in my bed...it was almost 5 am. So I probably got about 3 hours of sleep. And I wanna be a good, patient mommy today, but with so little sleep? I just feel like a bear about to erupt. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

As I was laying there, endlessly thinking and wallowing in self-pity I had a thought. Here it is...

If life were differently, this is how my day would go. I'd wake up about 4:30 am to spend time with Zach, make him breakfast and a lunch for work before he headed off for the day. Maybe we'd even pray together. I'd go back to sleep after he went to work and wake up before the children, maybe about 7, so I could read my Bible and pray, take a shower and just enjoy a quiet morning. And when I got dressed I'd feel beautiful and clothes would fit me. Around 8 the children would awaken and I'd greet them with smiles and hugs and cook them a good breakfast instead of them eating cereal. While eating breakfast we'd read the Bible together and pray. We'd clean up the kitchen together, get them dressed and make their beds. We would then begin our school time, first reading together and then working on individual lessons. Then we'd play, paint or bake something together. We'd make and eat lunch together and then have a quiet time in our beds. We'd get up and maybe head outside or to the park or to play with some friends. We'd come home and I'd get dinner started, teaching Princess how to cook. Zach would come home, we'd all greet him and talk about our day. We'd sit down for a nice dinner together, enjoying the company and conversation at the table. We'd clean up together and then we'd sit and read the Bible, pray and read, maybe a classic (we're trying to read Moby Dick). We'd play (including mommy playing with the children), take baths, pray and tuck in the children. Zach and I would have some time together and we'd pray for the children and spend time cuddling, watching a movie, playing a game or something. And this would be our 'perfect' day. We'd have no fighting over toys, sassy words, fits or disobedience- on both the parents and childs part. All would be happy and honky-dory. If this were a perfect world. A woman can dream, can't she? And that is what I was doing last night and I lay there trying with all my might to sleep.