Happy Johnny Appleseed Day!

The R Word Update

It is 6:17 am. I have been up for almost two hours as I never did fall back to sleep when Zach awoke. I am still in bed, but nonetheless I am awake. I'm sure after yesterday's post there is no question as to why. I heard two being squashed by my hubby this morning. Yesterday I didn't call our pest control, but we did lay out the 'hotels'. Well, I can tell you that at 9 am sharp I will be calling for Tom to come and spray our house and spray it good. This is ridiculous. Many people (from here) will say, "Well, it is the south" or "We live with them" or whatever but I can't live with them. It is disgusting. And if it is the south, why didn't we ever have any in our other house? Or in our house in North Carolina? I am so irritated. I lay in bed in fear of stupid, tiny, disgusting bugs. My stomach hurts because of it all. I mean for crying out loud, one was in my BED. Wouldn't that disgust YOU???? Did I mention the lack of sleep over this? No wonder I've had a short fuse lately. So, looks like I'll be seeing Mr. Tom today. And I can tell you that tomorrow morning we better see some...but they better be DEAD!

Reason #929999999933434474 why I HATE the South

ROACHES

I know I've mentioned it before. But when your husband feels one crawling on him in bed in the middle of the night and you find one in the bathroom in the morning. A roach. In our BED. That is SICK. Now not all of you know me, but I am a CLEAN freak. This is not something that should be happening to us!!!! Then this morning I'm awakened to 'CLUNK, CLUNK, CLUNK' downstairs. Zach. Killing ANOTHER roach. I will be calling our pest control as soon as it opens. I can't take it anymore and I certainly can't sleep well at night knowing there was one in my bed.

Reason #2836...

why I'm glad I homeschool....the school bus driving by at 6:30 am!!! I could not imagine my children being whisked away on the yellow bus for 8 hours out of the day!

Oh, and reason #2837 is because I don't need my daughter coming home telling me she's got a boyfriend- in the 2nd grade. Apparently 2nd graders do now. Geesh.

Manic Monday

That's what it seems like. I've realized that lately Mondays seem like this. Time to come back to reality and our weekly schedule, whereas on the weekend we lounged. This past weekend we had two birthday parties plus we had Awana last night. My kids are probably coming off of the highest sugar high ever! Talk about junk! Every night they come home from Awana with more and more candy. Thankfully we don't go trick-or-treating. We wouldn't need to with the stash we're collecting!

It seems naps are coming fewer and fewer. Which is kind of ok. We seem to enjoy our days together (for the most part) and the kids go to sleep much better at night. But, I miss that quiet time in the afternoon. Even if I try to put a movie in it seems they're still needy. So I will have to find something so that we all get a bit of quiet in the day if we don't nap. Even Cuddly Boy has been falling asleep in his OWN bed all by himself because he's been so wiped out.

Today we talked about The Sumerians in History. We built a ziggarut out of Lego's. Notice Princess's tag on her hat. She got that from the Awana store and hadn't realized the tag was on (or maybe she liked it). Also, notice a little head on the other side of the other picture. He wouldn't get out of the way;)

That was fun. . Little Man is doing well (and reading) with the book "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons". Princess is learning the writing process. While I really enjoy English she doesn't like it as well. I'm really hoping she will learn to. As we revised her story today she seemed a bit frustrated at my suggestions, thinking her story was fine. It was, but it did need some revising too.

Tonight I have my Bible Study. I'm not sure if I mentioned that I started a Bible study in my home- The Power of Motherhood by Nancy Campbell. I'm sorry if I've mentioned it before...I honestly can't remember if I did or not. About 4 other ladies attend and we have a blessed night of fellowship and studying God's Word about being a mother.

I am off to finish making dinner and prepare for my Bible study. I'm praying Tuesday will be full of grace and not crazy like today was!

For Jodie...Rember this song...Happy Birthday (3 days early)

Goofy boy


Working on her math

Here he is again...

Little Man's pumpkin he made from our math blocks

Princess with her new glasses

Coffee Talk

Little Man- "I'm calling 991". He was pretending there was a fire. Um...I don't think those numbers would help;) Then he said, "I'm going to use my 'hockey talky'". I busted out laughing. My poor kiddos have no idea what hockey is all about. Weird, coming from this UP gal and guy. So, I had to correct him and say walkie talkie! Oh, they're so funny!

Freedom and Flexibility

I feel like a whole new woman this school year and I love it! No, I haven't nailed that patience thing and I'm not a saint because I homeschool (seriously guys, people say this stuff to me). I have learned to be more flexible. Last year, at least at the beginning until I lost the baby, I would have freaked about not getting everything done in one day. No, we had to do every lesson every day. Then I lost Malachi and life really changed, even for our homeschool. We didn't school for about a month and then I was scrambling in the summer months to finish so we could have somewhat of a break.

We had our break. Now we're back into the school year. I was nervous about having two 'in' school. Let me tell you- school here has changed! Sure, every day we try to do our lessons, but it doesn't bother me if we don't get something done. The other day we didn't do math. Yesterday we didn't do history. Today we didn't get to spelling. And I'm NOT freaking out!!! It's a miracle!

Today Princess had to have an 'experience' to write about. So we put on our shoes and walked to the pond, talking of what we saw and heard. It was wonderful. It was LIFE. It was learning! Yesterday at the grocery store I even Incorporated a bit of learning into our escapade. We just seem more relaxed...or I should say I do. And if mama ain't relaxed ain't nobody relaxed, right?

Little Man isn't yet getting how to read words. He's learning his letters and his sounds, but to put them together he can't get it. So I've stepped back and I'm working with him. I think if it were last year and this were happening I would have freaked! But I'm being patient and enjoying teaching him and watching him learn.

It's not about how fast you go through it. It's about immersing yourself in it so you understand it. It's about enjoying what you are learning while enjoying one another. It's about being flexible. And just like the McD's saying...I'm lovin' it!

When all is stinky...go shopping!

Since the end part of my week was pretty junky and I was not too pleased with a certain child I asked hubby if I/we could go shopping. I still hadn't gotten a birthday gift and I still had birthday money to spend. I wanted some new clothes. I never shop for myself and it was a treat to go to Old Navy and splurge a bit. I got a real cute pants outfit for church, two pairs of pants that could work for being either dressy or casual, a package of underwear and 3 t-shirts.

It encourages me that I still fit in my size. When I was at the doctor and stepped on the scale I was a bit peeved at the number. It is all in my thighs and heiny, although I'm starting to sport a belly...and its not a pregnant one! I'm trying to go on the treadmill almost every day and trying to stay away from sweets. I'm doing good with not drinking much pop, but sweets are my downfall. But, to still be fitting into my size floored me!

We also went to eat at Logan's Roadhouse. Normally when we go out to eat the service is terrible (no matter where ya go nowadays). We had the best service and the food was delicious!

Today we don't have much on the agenda. I tackled pretty much all of the little things on my to-do list but I still have to make up my menu for the remainder of the month. We have a farewell dinner for some friends from church tonight. Tomorrow will be busy with church and my friend Angie is coming back in town for the week. I can't wait to see her! She's only been gone since June but I sure do miss her!

Oh, the other night we watched a movie called 'Hotel Rwanda'. I got it because it is about Africa. It was really good, but real difficult to watch. It is hard to fathom a genocide taking place. What is even harder is when nobody steps in to help those affected, all because of their race. Good rent- I recommend it!

Anyway, that's it for the weekend. Thought I'd post while I had a quiet moment! Off to make up that menu!

My record

Yesterday I didn't turn on my computer until after 3 pm! And I think the total amount I spent on it was at the MOST 30 minutes. That is SO rare. But, we went out to lunch with daddy and came home and had some company. Then we tried to do some more school. I had a real rough day so I cleaned in the evening. Today it is 2 pm and I'm just now getting on. I have been so busy dealing with behavior issues of a 3 year old and trying to do school. We went outside and flew some airplanes I made to see which would fly further- the long, narrow wing or the short, wide wing. It was fun. The clouds the past two days, from Humberto, have been amazing. We've had some rain. Nothing exciting, although when I was driving home from lunch yesterday I was going real slow for awhile there. I can't even think of what else our week has entailed. I hope the weekend is a bit slower!

Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

Tonight I met some of the neighbors!!! I was just telling my friend Canaan right before that how normally in military housing you have people (friends/neighbors) stop by and visit all the time. That's something I've really missed while living down here. Not being in military housing, we didn't have that. Once we moved out here I thought for sure we would. I guess with the humidity people tend to stay indoors. Tonight it was cooler out and as I got the chalk out for the kids to draw in the driveway it seemed the neighbors flocked...well only two. But two is better than none! I'm very thankful to have met them. They seemed really nice and the lady across the street has a boy the same age as Little Man. The other lady has a 7 year old girl just like Princess. Maybe my kiddos will finally make some new friends like they've been wanting! Oh, and me too;)

Downstairs

This is the living room from the front door above and below is the living room from the other opposite corner where the TV is.

Dining area

Kitchen

This is the living room from the dining room vantage point. Below is the built in desk area. Not quite big enough for a computer but I love it. The door leads to the laundry area. To the right there is a door that leads to the garage.

This is part of my laundry area. There are SO many shelves in here! I love the storage in this house! I can't even almost fill up the closet space we have here!

My downstairs 'palm tree' bathroom. It's the first time we've had 2.5 baths. It is hard to keep track of the bathrooms as far as cleaning. And to try to maintain an upstairs and downstairs. Good thing the kids are good about picking up toys!

I have yet to take pictures of the upstairs but once I do I'll post them. Gotta make sure its clean and spiffy first;)

9 1 1

Today we reflected on what today is. Princess remembered me talking before about this date. I told them at 9:11 we would have a minute of silence and then pray. So at that time (Eastern time) we *tried* to be quiet for a minute and then prayed for the families of the victims, the President, our country and even the terrorists. For some reason I'm more choked up about it this year than previously. At least Little Man knew what the numbers 911 stood for!

Wings

If you give them wings they will fly. Hey, come to think of it, we learned about wings this past week in science and how they work to make a bird fly. Quite interesting. Anyway that is not my point. Today Little Man went home with a friend after church. This is his first time to have a play date without mom or dad. I talked to the other mom and I know he's having a blast, but it is still a bit weird that he is not here and to think he's old enough to do something like that. We are a very 'close' family and we don't like our children to just go off with anybody, so for our family this is a 'big' thing! Meanwhile, Princess has her friend here playing with her (actually the boy Little Man is playing with- its his sister). Oh, and we had nursery today. When I went to get Cuddly Boy from Sunday School he looked at me with quite the look and said, "Well, I'm going to eat!". Like, "Duh Mom, its snack time". So he got to stay in his little class while we did nursery. They're all in different stages of getting their wings. Time sure flies;)

A Letter to My Son

Dear Malachi,

Has it really been 6 months since I delivered your tiny body into this world? Has it really been 6 months since I held your lifeless body in my hands? I don't know where the time has gone. We went to visit your grave yesterday. Your sister and brothers like to talk to you there. I think they feel closer to you. They like to tell you what they've been doing. They tell you how much they love you and how cute you are and that they wish you were here. Your sister asked if you would be here now, if you hadn't died. I told her yes. You would be about a month old.

As I was lying in bed last night I began to wonder what you would look like. I imagine you to have fairer skin and sweet baby blue eyes. What would it feel like to hold you in my arms? To look into your precious baby blue eyes as you nursed? What would life have in store for us if you were here? I am certain that we would all be in awe of you and that we'd be fighting over who got to hold you next. We miss you.

It has been so long since we've had a baby in our home and sometimes it seems like we never will. I know if God wants us to we will. At times I think I'm ready and at times I think its the craziest idea ever. But God knows and it is all in His hands. But sometimes I feel like I don't want a baby because I feel like I was robbed of not having you. Then there are other times when I am content with what has happened, knowing that God had His hand in it all. Sometimes I feel like I don't or haven't grieved like maybe I should. But other times I cry tears of grief as I think about you. Every month around the 8th I am really emotional and it is because I miss you so much. I wish I could hold you, kiss you and love you.

But as I told your siblings, you are in the best place~ heaven. And we will see you someday. And since the day we found out you were no longer alive I've known that God has something bigger in store. He gives and takes away. I am blessed that He gave you for such a short time as He did. Even though we never got to know you outside of the womb, our lives are changed by you. You are just as much part of the family as the rest of us. Same with your brother or sister who is up in heaven with you.


I wonder if God gives you glimpses of us down here. Do you see a mommy and daddy who love you and who loved you even in death? Do you see a sister and brothers who miss knowing who you are?

And about that bigger picture...It is amazing how we can see a glimpse of it. We would not be adopting if it weren't for your sweet little life and death. We would have not seen this part of God's heart had we not gone through this journey with you. And I know that this is only a part of His plan and the picture He has for us. I still wish you were a part of it here on earth with us, but I also marvel at the fact that you are face to face with Jesus.

I love you my sweet boy. We all love you. I miss you with every core of my being. I look forward to the day I will meet you. Please tell your brother or sister the same. He or she would be 6 months old already! Not a day goes by that I don't think of both of you. My arms ache to hold you each close to my bosom and to rejoice in our reunion.

Love with all my heart,

Mommy

On the Sixth Day...

This is Princess' Adam. Notice his 'rib'. This is what Eve came from. Below is her Eve and Adam. The little thing between them is the 'fruit'.

This is Little Man's Adam. A bit crushed looking;)

Little Man's Adam and Eve. I'm so glad God did a much better job in making man than the play-doh creations, aren't you? Although they are cute;)

A BIG FAT L

I think maybe I have this ingrained on my head? This evening Zach went to Bible study at church so I decided to take the crew to the playground that's pretty much in our back yard. I couldn't believe that as I was walking there I actually saw people there- the first time in a month! Not like we go there often, its usually too hot, but when I do see the playground nobody is there. So I thought, 'Maybe this is my time to meet somebody in my neighborhood'. I know my friend, Canaan, that moved here right before I did and the people we're connected to. Well, the people live right by it and the parents were sitting between the playground and their house. Didn't say hi or anything and I just felt like the guy was STARING me down with the evilest eye. Princess ran right up to the girls- she's dying for some friends out here, although she does have two now. I'm not kidding- as soon as we got there those people fled like we were lepers. And I wasn't even wearing my 'Jesus Freak' or 'Homeschool Mom' shirts. Just kidding, I don't' have shirts like that. But I seriously wonder if something is wrong with us! Ugh!

Enjoyment

We have immersed ourselves in books this week! That's what happens when you go back to school! Things are going really well so far. I've really had some great prayers lately asking the Lord to help me enjoy my children throughout the day- through the lessons, playtime and all. Not just at bedtime. And I really have been enjoying them! Not just 'tolerating' them as sometimes seems to be the case.

Cuddly Boy had fun doing his 'school' this morning- putting stickers in his Brighter Vision books and going over his colors. He likes to watch Little Man do some of his school too.

Little Man is enjoying kindergarten. Today he had me in tears, laughing over something that really wasn't even that funny. But I was enjoying him and really enjoying that time with him. And I can tell that he likes the one-on-one with me too.

Princess grunted the first day (yesterday) I took out English but she seemed to enjoy it more today. She is really impressed with math (Math-U-See) and is always saying how she likes it better than Bob Jones! Maybe because she gets to play with blocks? Or maybe because it is really easy for her as we've backtracked? Anyway, I'm thrilled to see that she likes it!

I am enjoying our science (Flying Creatures of the Fifth Day- Apologia) and history (Mystery of History). I like the fact that we can sit and read it all together and then we get to do something 'hands on'. Today we brought out the play-doh (I hate that stuff) and they 'created' Adam and Eve. I'll try to post some pictures of their creations soon.

This afternoon while the boys napped Princess and I sat on the front porch and she read to me. I am really enjoying the beginning of this school year. I'm thankful for the opportunity to teach my children and spend this time with them. I've even made a point of getting up early two days in a row (7 am and 6:30 am) so that i can be ready and awake for my children. I haven't even been 'wasting' time on the computer and I make sure my phone is on vibrate! My children are only young once and they are so precious. I want to treasure my time with them. How have you been blessed by your 'treasures'?

So Long Summer

I can't believe that our summer vacation is over. It will be nice to have a schedule again, but its also been nice going out at the spur of the moment to play with friends or shop. I'm really hoping that all will go smoothly but I'm also expecting some glitches. I sat and tried to plan out our week. We'll see how it all goes. I can't believe I have a kindergartner and second grader!

Peeps

Princess: Mommy, if kids don't have moms and dads where are they born from, an animal?

Last night before the kiddos went to bed we watched the beginning of the movie Titanic. We were telling them what it was about and that a boat really did sink but that the movie wasn't 'real'. I told Princess that somebody falls in love in the movie and when 'Jack' was on the screen she pointed and said, "Is he the one that falls in love?" I told her I couldn't tell her and then she whispered to me, "I think he's nice". Oh, I couldn't stop laughing! Then later she told me, "I think I'm falling in love". Ok, time for bed;) They wanted to see the boat sink. But my 7 year old was getting a bit out of control over a certain man! I wonder if she had sweet dreams?

This morning Princess asked Little Man why he left his frog at Megan's when we were on vacation. Mommy had just forgotten it. Little Man replied, "Probably he wanted to stay there for awhile and visit them".

Sometimes when you ask my kids something that requires a 'because' answer instead of because they say, "that's why".

And Cuddly Boy thinks that if you kiss then you're married. So when he gives his mama a kiss he thinks he married me. Uh, not quite buddy!

The things they say just crack me up.

Rain, Rain Go Away

It is that time of year...where it just doesn't want to quit raining. It doesn't rain all day but lately its been so blah out there. Not to mention the thunderstorms.

We have had an uneventful weekend so far. We went to Mobile on my birthday. I got to go to Target! And a whole slew of other stores I normally don't go to. I didn't find anything for myself though- besides some stuff from Bath & Body Works (thanks Mom for the gift card). While I was shopping for some school supplies Zach and the kids waited in the car. There was the loudest boom of thunder I think I've ever heard. I must have jumped to the ceiling! Then it was just down pouring! We got to eat at Olive Garden for dinner. I admit it was the first time I've had dessert there. Normally I'm SO full that I can't get it, but I made sure to save room! The kids really wanted the people to sing (I didn't) so I allowed them just for my kids;) Plus my back was facing the rest of the restaurant so nobody could see my embarrassment;)

I have been cleaning and getting ready for school. We're supposed to start on Tuesday but I think everybody is coming down with colds so we'll see how we feel. Zach brought it home from work and now my throat is starting to hurt a bit. Lovely. I'm really looking forward to the school year but I am also a bit nervous. I've never had 2 students before. How will I juggle teaching 2 plus keeping an eye on the littlest one who gets into EVERYTHING. If he's not attempting to eat candles he's playing with toilet paper or dousing himself in hand soap. I'm hoping to have little activities to do with him while I'm working with one of the others or else who knows the mischief he'll get in to.

I read the latest Karen Kingsbury book, Summer. I admit that I normally cry a bit while reading her books but I never cried so hard as I did during this one. It just hits home with me considering all the past year had in store for me.

I figure since I'm now 30 I better try to get myself in shape (I am afraid to get a pouch looking belly like my Mom and Aunt). I started to take my vitamins again and have been going on the treadmill. My vitamins really make me gag and I think once I'm done with them I may have to find a different brand. They're awesome because of all they offer but the smell is unbearable and then to swallow them... I'm hoping once school starts I'll be able to wake up early enough and walk on the treadmill.

I'll also be starting a Bible study on Monday nights at my house (The Power of Motherhood by Nancy Campbell).

I'm really looking forward to a new start and more of a schedule! I cannot believe it is September!

The Big 3-0

It's my GOLDEN birthday! I remember as a little girl I really looked forward to my 'golden birthday'. I thought I would never get to 30! It seemed like I had to wait forever! And that seemed so OLD.



Well I made it. I was almost dreading it. I liked being in my 20s. I already feel like my metabolism is slowing down. I haven't lost weight from my past two pregnancies and I feel like I'll never lose it. I need a nursing baby again;) Sometimes as I think on life I wonder how on earth I've accumulated 3 kids!?!? I don't feel old enough to have a 7 year old. Sometimes at night I still dream of college and sometimes I have this same dream that I had this big paper to turn in that I never got to. The years have just flown by.



From the days of being a little girl, driving on my daddy's lap to the days of first dates. From the days of going everywhere with my mom to thinking how annoying she was (sorry Mom, normal teenager there). From the days of going off to Bible camp to going off to college. And now here I am. I stay at home and hold down the fort (or attempt to). I get to teach my children in my home and hold the title of not only Mommy but Teacher. I am married. It has always been my dream to get married and have children~ and here I am at 30 years old living my 'dream'. Now only if I can be CONTENT in ALL things~ poopy pants, bruised knees, fighting boys and bossy sisters!



But I still can't believe I'm 30...weird.

Two Years

We all remember where we were on September 11. Some remember where we were when The Challenger had its accident and its crew members were killed. Some may remember when President Kennedy was assassinated. Do you remember where you were two years ago on this day?

The kiddos and I were in Panama City, Florida as I had evacuated for Hurricane Katrina. Meanwhile, Zach was 'sheltered' on the base right in the middle of the storm. I had no idea if he was ok. I didn't know if our house was still standing. I will never forget that day. It is so clear in my mind like it were yesterday. I remember taking the kiddos to I-Hop. I remember walking around the mall. And I remember trying to pretend that all was ok with the world as I sat at my friend Sheila's house waiting for news from my husband.

God watched over him. He watched over our home. He watched over our friends that also lived on the coast. But, some of those friends weren't as well off as us. Some lost complete homes and belongings. Some had to purchase new vehicles. Our lives were all turned upside down as we wondered what would happen next, where we went from here.

Most people forget about the devastation on the coast. They don't see that still to this day there are houses that have not been demolished. They don't see the cement slabs where once stood a one hundred year old beautiful Southern home. Or what about the people that were lost during that time, the ones who decided to 'ride out the storm' only to not survive?

God has worked through all of this destruction though. Because of the storm many have given their lives to Him. Many have given up jobs, moved across the country away from family and have come down to serve God and help restore the coast. To these amazing people I am thankful. If we look at things the right way, good can come out of every bad storm in life. The flooding in the Midwest, the tornado that ripped apart a small town in North Dakota, or tsunamis that hit far off lands. Through it all, if you look real closely you will see the hand of God and the work He is doing even in the midst of devastation.

To Sleep or Not to Sleep

That, my friends is the question.

With my first two children I did not co-sleep. They slept in the 'family' cradle next to the bed until they outgrew it and then went in the crib in their own room. With baby number 3 I decided to try co-sleeping. I read this great book on breastfeeding/natural child spacing/co-sleeping. It was a great read!

The first year wasn't so bad. That was even with a queen size bed! I think I tried a few times to put the little peanut in his crib but he wouldn't have it. He would nap with me during the day. And it worked.

Here we are three years later. You have to lay with the boy in order for him to fall asleep. Sometimes at nap time he'll wake up right after you leave the bed. So, there goes the nap (or my middle of the day sanity). Bedtime is non-existent. As I type I am laying in my bed. He has been up and down the stairs between daddy and I. He has bothered his brother and sister. He has not been in his bed. He's pooped in his diaper. And now he lays next to me twirling my hair and whispering. I have to admit that it is sweet- when he is sleeping. But when he's awake, its well past his bedtime and I'm in need of some quiet solitude I am not a happy person. Maybe this is why I've been having so many of my own temper tantrums lately.

So, co-sleeping can be great and it is sweet cuddling up next to the sweet baby. But after 3 years and no longer time for myself or hubby and I, my next baby will be sleeping across the hall!

House

Here's our new home. It still feels weird living here and getting used to a new house! It is nice to be settled in. I had to take pictures for our dossier so I thought I'd post them here too. I will get to the inside later in the week... I love our new house though!

That's the living room window and master bedroom.

On the side is the dining room window.

The back door, kitchen window and the 3 bedrooms upstairs. Plus our tiny backyard!

"It's Birthday Time"~ Cuddly Boy

Happy Birthday Cuddly Boy!!!

Today my 'baby' is 3. It is hard to believe that 3 years have gone by. I cannot even imagine life without him. He is a busy little boy who loves to run, climb and play yet he's also a cuddly boy who loves to sleep with mommy and daddy...still. We love him so much and I thank God for my precious boy every day.





Here he is as an almost 3 year old! Never a dull moment with him around!

Here he is just born. Isn't it funny how no matter how much time goes by you don't forget the first time holding those precious bundles of blessings?

Happy Birthday Cuddly Boy!!!! We LOVE you!!!!

SLOW PS

We have been moved in for about 3 weeks now. And you know what? We've only gotten 2 or 3 pieces of forwarded mail!!!! Last week I sent Zach to the post office and they said once it gets here it has to go back up to north MS and then back down. How stupid! It is quicker to get forwarded mail when moving from one state to another than moving from one city to the one right next to it. Or maybe it's just another backwards thing about Mississippi! Boy is it annoying though! I want MY mail!!!

This is Growing On my Front Porch

After seeing a head peak out my curiosity got the best of me. It looks like it could be a moth cocoon but I'm really not sure, considering I'm not on the West Coast! Sure is strange though. Good science lesson for the kiddos though;) I tried to take more pictures but my lens kept fogging up (thanks, humidity). You never can be sure what you'll find down here!

I plan on taking pics of the house soon (I've had many requests). So please stand by!

A Preschooler's Pledge

Sleep, baby, Sleep

I think I figured out part of my problem. How many of you all need quiet 'me' time every day? I am one of those people. I know, maybe its a lot to ask with three kids, but we all need some quiet time. I still make my kids nap. Princess usually reads in her bed, but the boys usually sleep. I've been more flexible with this lately. So, I'm not getting my normal afternoon 'me' time. They used to go to bed at 8 pm. Since this move they're going at all different times. I love the quiet evenings when the kids are in bed and I can watch a movie with Zach or read a good book or browse online. Well, I may be getting to do these things lately but its not quiet. My kids are right there. And that is hard.



Right now Cuddly Boy is laying on my lap. For some reason he won't stay asleep in his bed today. Last night he didn't fall asleep until about 11 pm! I feel in desperate need of some down time! Alone. Even though I'm sitting here blogging I'm not alone. Instead I have some boy demanding to play with my hair while he lies tiredly on my lap staring in my face. I love his sweet little face, but sometimes that little face is cuter when its asleep!

RATS!

Friday night I went out with some ladies from Sunday School to celebrate a couple of birthdays. I come home to a 'surprise'. A new pet.

.

A hamster. I was livid. I couldn't even post about it because I was too mad and would have showed so much disrespect for my husband. I had no idea of this purchase until I got home. He didn't ask me my opinion about it because of course I'd say no. I couldn't even talk because the words out of my mouth would not be pretty or ladylike.

You all know how much I hate bugs. Well, I also don't like rodents. I like animals, but I'm not a huge pet person. I feel like I have three children, a husband, a home, I homeschool, etc that I just don't have the time (or desire) to care for a pet.

At least this is contained in a cage. And I made it very clear that I will not care for it. Oh, Princess named it 'Jingle Bells'. Gotta love the creativity.

Girls Day Out

Yesterday I had the privilege of taking my dear daughter on a date. I think it is so important to take your children on dates, spending one on one time with them and letting them know they're special. Often if I have to run to the store or something I will take one child with me, letting it be a special treat. But I think its important to also do something really special one in awhile. I told Zach we need to take turns every week in 'dating' our children. I also think its important for a husband and wife to date once a week, but I know how difficult that can be. I can't remember our last date night.

Without further ado, I present you with our special mommy-daughter day:

We first went to the local Day Spa Career College and got a manicure and our toes painted. It was Princess' first time to get her nails done by somebody other than mommy and I think she really enjoyed it. She picked a very light pink color with glitters. It is pretty. I was going to get a pedicure but I have blisters on my feet and changed my mind.

After that Princess declared that she was 'So hungry' so we went downtown to a quaint little restaurant that I love. I have only been there twice and I'm the only one in the family to have gone as they're only open for lunch. I thought it would be a special treat to take Princess somewhere special and I know she was really excited to try it. It is called Martha's Tea Room and you can click here to read a little story on it. Very interesting. Here we are outside of the restaurant:

Princess ordered a Peanut butter and jelly sandwich! She just loved the bread and when I told her they make it themselves her eyes got really big. She asked if we could make our own bread. Uh, let me drag out the bread machine;) Although when we were first married I did make homemade bread straight from scratch in my oven! I ordered a sandwich called The Ocean Springer. It was delicious- on pumpernickel bread with coleslaw of all things! In the past I've tried the chicken salad sandwich- d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s!

Of course, being the chocolate lovers we are (like mother, like daughter) we ordered the Caramel Lover Fudge Cake. When the waitress brought it out Princess said to me, "Are we supposed to share that small piece?" LOL- it was huge and we just barely finished it!

There is this shop downtown that Princess calls 'the girly shop'. It is called Lexi Lu's and has all sorts of cute kids clothes, baby items and more. Of course it is way out of my price range! Things were 50% off and I still wouldn't have bought them;) Well, we headed there and to another 'girly shop' called Sugar and Spice. We also ventured into a few other shops as well as the little toy store downtown. Here is Princess in front of Lexi Lu's.

I just love the downtown area. It is beautiful, with trees hanging over the road and quaint little shops. It is weird to think that I'm no longer a resident of the beautiful city...now I'm out in the country! Here's Princess on a bench along the street downtown.

We then headed to the Whole Foods Market, the library ad of course Wal-Mart. A day out isn't complete without a trip to Wal-Mart, right? We had a wonderful time and I was so blessed to spend the day basking in the sweetness of the little girl God has blessed me with.

Later in the day I was talking to Little Man and telling him that I'd like to take him on a date sometime. He asked, 'to the boy-ly shop'? Ah, the things they come up with! Always good for a laugh;)

Duh!

It kinda hit me this morning. Little Man has been so unbearable lately that its hard to even enjoy being around him. Yesterday we went with some friends shopping and to the local children's 'museum'. He was the only kid (out of 5) whining- and I mean whining- for things everywhere we went. I was going to buy him a book since his sister was getting two free ones, but once the whining surfaced- no way! Anyway, what hit me is that he does not do well with change. He never has. Even though he's excited we've moved I guess just the change of everything overwhelms him. Why is it that we're all so different and change affects some while not others? It is no excuse for his recent behavior but at least I may be seeing where its coming from. And I pray it ends soon because I'm not sure how much more I can take!

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates, right?

I was going to post about how well things are going. About how my children have been getting along so well. How Little Man no longer whines and cries about every little thing. About how Princess doesn't antagonize her brothers or manipulate them any longer. About how Cuddly boy no longer streaks through the house or poops his pants or is on the toilet every 5 minutes. I was going to say how my life is just like a wonderful, yummy box of chocolates that everybody wants to dig in to. But then I'd be lying.

I don't know if its all the change or the fact that we're really not in a schedule but my children are out of control. Of course, I haven't obtained a whole lot of control with dealing with them either. Then I wonder about posting things like that on my blog. Will somebody turn me in for not being the perfect put-together mother? See, now I wonder about things like that. "Should I even post this" I ask myself. What will people think of me? You see, I know there are people out there that know me in real life that read my blog and remain 'anonymous'. What will they think?

I know most of us have days and moments like this. But there are some who have it "together". Maybe they don't have children so they don't know what its like. Or maybe they don't have three who like to fight and compete over every little thing. Maybe they don't have kids who all want to be a certain character on TV and continually fight over that.

So you see, my life is not like a box of chocolates lately. It's quite the opposite. I sit and think how wonderful it would be if my children got to go and visit grandparents for a week. Or if I could take a vacation- alone or with just Zach. I've only ever been away from them for a couple of nights at a time. I know, I know I should accept that I'm a mother and this is what I'm to do. I don't get a break when my children get shooed off to public school. I don't have a quiet moment to sit and do bills. No wonder my checkbook cannot balance!

So I sit and dream. What would it be like to get on a plane by myself for a little 'me' vacation? Would it be just what I need? Would I be able to sit and dwell in the quiet presence of the Lord? To think on my life and seek what He desires of me?

But no tickets are reserved or vacation in store. So, I will do what I can to press on and fight the fight. We will get through this and order will once again be maintained. Soon we'll start school again and that should settle things down somewhat (I hope). And I will get through this. Tomorrow is a new day.

Maybe tomorrow I won't have to deal with a whiny boy crying about not being able to put his Superman outfit on, while not bothering to ask for help. Maybe I won't have to deal with gagging as I rinse out poopy underwear. Maybe a little girl will for once not complain about things her brothers do. Maybe I will finally have it together and be the perfect June Cleaver. Maybe.

The Lord hears our prayers

just check my adoption blog and see...

Questions from Kiddos

Princess: Dad, what's a pissing cup?

Daddy: Princess, don't say that!
Mommy: Where did you hear that from? (aghast)

Princess: You know, from Cars. I think it's like a trophy or something.

It clicks! She meant the Piston Cup from the Cars movie! I couldn't stop chuckling.

PLEASE PRAY FOR LIBERIA

I just posted some news on the Liberia front on my adoption blog.

I Thank God For Women Like These...

who provide the encouragement on their blogs and we fall upon it at just the right time. This was my first time visiting this blog and I was so encouraged. Please read this great article if you want to be blessed in your mothering!

The Shed

Last night I did something I thought I'd never do. I ate food from The Shed. Supposedly its some of the best barbecue down here, but we haven't tried the barbecue. You see, when we lived in NC we went to this place called Wilbur's. Wilbur's is this southern barbecue place where all these famous people have gone. We hated it. It was not the kind of barbecue we had in mind. So, we assumed MS barbecue was the same and haven't tried it for the three years we've been here!

Where we've moved to, pretty much across the highway is this place called The Shed. Well, it looks exactly like a shed. But word has it its the best. We kept telling ourselves we wouldn't eat there, that we'd be wasting our money on food we didn't like. Then Zach came home from work yesterday, lifts up his shirt and says, "You see why I have this here" (referring to his protruding belly). "It's because I ate some food from The Shed and I couldn't stop". He tells me how delicious he thought it was but I didn't believe him at all. But he was serious!!! I honestly thought he was pulling my leg about eating their food.

So, we decided to give it a try. We ended up taking it home versus eating there as it was PACKED! I would like to eat there at some point to get the 'total Shed experience' though. The place just cracked me up. And yet while I was gazing around at the junk everywhere I couldn't help but think that my original perception of the place was wrong. After all, if we had to wait in line like 15 minutes just to order its gotta be good, right?

It was SOOOO good!!! Surprisingly even the kiddos liked it, besides maybe Cuddly boy who eats nothing anyway! It wasn't the BBQ like they have in NC but true BBQ. I got a huge sampler platter- may as well try it all- and everything was delicious. So, I think I've now experienced true Mississippi barbecue! Take a look at the website and read the story behind how it opened...I thought it was quite interesting!

A Gentle Answer

This post is in response to the comment I had under the untitled post on the 31st of July. The words of the anonymous commenter are in red.

First let me comment by saying that the post was intended toward nobody in particular. Zach had just commented that in regards to my post about my frustrations about housing that people may think we’re not in God’s will or something to that affect. So I was simply trying to say that I’m not going to let what people think affect me. We know we’re where God wants us and that’s all that matters. And sometimes people, even people with good intentions may try to get in the way of God’s work. Let me add that I am not trying to be ‘mean’ or ‘ugly’ in my response to the comment.

I have been following your blog and it seems like you are getting too caught up in martyrdom, or maybe losing focus of what you are doing and why.

I don’t see how a simple post about frustrations about housing issues implies that I’m losing focus. There are frustrations in everything in life: pregnancy, birth, child-rearing, marriage, homeschooling, moving, adoption, etc. We live in a sinful world and sometimes we face frustrations. You would have to be a saint to not get frustrated with things in life. Is it ‘right’ to get frustrated? No. But I admit that I am a sinner. I claim no perfection. But my focus has not taken the wrong fork in the road just because I get frustrated with things.

Venting is one thing, but you are seemingly getting to an ugly place. If this is truly what God wants you to do, why are you letting the destroyer show anger and discord through your words and actions? From the tone of this post, if it was the first time for me to read this, I would not come back - and thus miss out on some wonderful information or following what could be an outstanding witness to God's provision.

I don’t see how my posts are ‘getting to an ugly place’. The destroyer is not showing anger and discord through my words and actions. I’m assuming the statement, ‘If this is truly what God wants you to do…’ implies toward our adoption? My ‘frustration’ posts were in regards to our whole housing issue~ military housing. It had nothing to do with adoption. But since that can of worms was opened in your comment I will be addressing that.

Have you ever moved? Have you had to deal with people on ‘high horses’ with military housing offices? Do you know that a move is stressful, both military and civilian? But the military is a whole different facet than ‘normal civilian’ life that most people cannot understand unless they’ve been in the shoes of a military family. That is where my frustrations stemmed from in those posts. Every move brings upon it change and stress to some degrees. While I love to move it is stressful! Our things were packed up and we couldn’t get a house! I was at my wits end with it all!

My blog is not a place of good, happy, feel-good and fuzzy feelings. It is a place where I am real. I am who I am. I don’t hide behind pretty rose colored glasses. One post may talk about the joys of motherhood and the next may complain about my mothering tasks. Does that mean that I’m getting to an ‘ugly place’? Most blogs I read function much the same way. I enjoy reading about people who are ‘real’. We try to live a life pleasing unto God but we often fall. But we get back up. We’re human. (Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God).

I will pray that you will find some joy in all this and be able to display it here like you did when you first started this process.


I do have joy. Once again I’m assuming you’re referring to the adoption but I could be wrong. The adoption journey is a lot like a pregnancy. Ups and downs. Days of feeling great and days you’re wondering, ‘Why’. There are many things that come up in the adoption process that may not always be pleasant, things that could rob our joy. After all, the Lord delights that orphans be cared for, so the enemy will do what he can to steal the joy out of it all. Maybe a family has been told they’re adopting a certain child only to find out the parents didn’t want to relinquish their rights. Maybe the child died before being adopted. Do you think people have joy at those times? Ecclesiastes says, ‘There is a time for everything…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance… (Ecc. 3).

You are correct - we all have bad days. Even Jesus cried out to the Father in agony...but he didn't lash out at people like this. He didn't say "If you don't like what I have to say, don't listen." No one is perfect, and you cant always respond in the way Christ would, but you should strive to, especially in a place where your printed word is displayed in public for SO MANY to see.


You are right, Jesus did not ‘lash out at people’. I did not intend for my post to ‘lash out’ either. It is hard to read the tone of what people are saying over the internet. I was simply making a statement that you took the wrong way. It didn’t seem to affect anybody else, so maybe I somehow stepped on your toes in the past by something I’ve previously posted?

It kind of seems like you are looking for people to rave and pat you on the back for what you guys are doing, and when they don't you get angry and lash out. Well, most people did not hurrah Jesus on, including some of His disciples who questioned the things he did and those around him who questioned His motives.

WOW!!! Now I know that this whole comment refers to adoption. And why do I feel like I’ve had a conversation like this before? To me this comment is getting awfully personal and if you know me in real life why not have come to my face about this instead of commenting on my blog and causing chaos and confusion! Also, I have not given as many details on my blog as what I’ve talked with people about so my curiosity is really peaked about who my anon commenter is.

What would be nice would be encouragement from people about what we’re doing. I do not at all expect a pat on the back. This is all about God and I give Him the glory for leading us down this road. I am not trying to say, “I’m so glorified and better than you because I’m adopting”. It has never been my intention to come across that way. I’m not expecting a reward or anything but simple encouragement from friends and family. I have gotten angry with some of the responses we’ve had from people. It is very heartbreaking when the people you think will be excited turn the cheek at it. After all, we’ll be bringing home a child, our child. What will these people do when they see our dear daughter? Walk away and not embrace her? Is that any way to treat one of God’s children?

Proverbs 19:17 He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done.
Proverbs 21:13 If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry and not be answered.

1 Peter 4:9 - Be hospitable to one another without complaint

1 Corinthians 10:10 - Nor grumble, as some of them did, and were destroyed by the destroyer

Philippians 2:14 - Do all things without murmurings

Matt. 12:36-37 - For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned

Especially this last verse I want you to take consideration of...if you want to be justified to people(which it seems), don't treat people's opinions and thoughts as dirt, no matter how right or wrong they are. I sincerely hope God is not trying to speak to you through anyone who has "offended" you...sometimes it is the people who make us the most angry about things that are the most right.

There was a time when I felt I needed to be ‘justified’ by people. But I am accountable to Jesus alone and I’ve thrown people's negative comments to the dogs. NO, I am not saying you’re opinions are dirt, but why should I allow people to bring me down? I need to be around those who will life me up and encourage me on the journey. Sure, everyone has their ‘opinion’ on the matter. Maybe you disagree with adoption. Maybe you think it’s a waste of money. Maybe you think we should help those in our own country. I have never stated that international adoption is for everyone and that you all need to go out there and do it. It is our personal conviction, just as homeschooling and being ‘quiverfull’ are. It’s often people who get offended at things of this nature that I wonder if they’re trying to hide from some conviction God may be laying on their hearts.

What are you trying to say here? To listen to those whose words have hurt me because maybe they have a vision for my life that I don’t? That their words are to be heeded over God’s? That what we’re doing is wrong? While I know that people may have good intentions in what they say, do they think that WE can’t hear the voice of God and see His hand?

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 21:30 There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord.

Anger doesn't deserve a foothold in your life...maybe the anger and gripes should be best left for a non-public blog or diary, or just lay it down at Jesus' feet.

I have let the anger go and I believe I’ve already stated that in another post, again assuming you mean toward those who 'offended' me regarding our adoption. It does not have a foothold. But, I’m still bound to get angry about things. I am a sinner. If you are looking for a blog where it is nothing but encouragement from a ‘saintly’ person this is the wrong blog. I can recommend blogs that provide only encouragement and not the daily struggles if that is what you’re seeking. My blog is my ‘journal’. Therefore, I share all parts of myself. It is who I am. I’ve always been an open person and I will not change to please one anonymous person!

I am praying you have peace, and that the rest of this journey will be an easier road and God's will will just fall into place. Bighugs.

I have peace. A month ago I may not have had the peace I have today. The journey that God takes us on isn’t always easy, just like our Christian walk. We have mountaintop experiences and times we feel like we’re sinking in quicksand. Just because we endure hardships doesn’t mean we’re not in God’s will. I have never felt more in the will of God than I do today. “Bighugs” to you too.

I had to come back and add, that I hope you don't take my comment the wrong way as well. I just would hate to see your mission be overshadowed by the little things that nag us into griping. I truly hope things work out for you guys. :)

Just because I ‘gripe’ doesn’t mean the mission God has for my life is overshadowed by the destroyer. You must lead one fulfilled, blessed life to not have any complaints about things in life that don’t go as expected.

Oh, and I am not sure how you intended your comment. It didn’t come across too pleasantly, but then again it is hard to read the tone of words on the internet. Just as I’m sure this may not come across too pleasantly. I mean no harm or anything by my statements.

A Chapter Closed

We closed on the house and already we've got enough in savings for our adoption plus we already paid off our car! Boy does it feel GOOD! As I was driving all the way home (I feel so 'out there' now) I was overwhelmed at God's goodness and just burst into tears. I'm also a bit sad that our home sold, but not really as much as I thought I'd be. A month ago I would have never thought I'd be sitting in a new house- a military house for that matter! Not only did the sale benefit us, but also the buyers. They are Christians too. And I could see how God worked to bring them to that house as we talked. It just amazes me how He works these details of our lives all into place. Like I said, a month ago I had no clue this is where we'd be yet He knew all of this. It just amazes me. The way He cares for us and loves us. The provision and blessing He bestows upon us.

Last year at this time I was mourning the loss of my precious baby. Who would have thought that God would work so much in a year- from the loss of my Malachi to beginning the adoption process to selling our home. His love amazes me! Even after I lost Malachi I felt like God had something really BIG in store for us. I had no idea what it was but I could not shake away that nagging thought. Who would have known this is what it was. Doesn't it feel good to know you're right smack dab in the center of God's Holy will??? I serve an AWESOME and AMAZING God!!!

The Story of the Flying 'Palmetto Bug' (aka roach)

Our first night in our house the house was strewn with boxes. We stayed up until about 1 or 2 am to unpack and get the boxes out of the house. So, then our stuff was everywhere. It was complete chaos if I've ever seen it! That was Tuesday.

Wednesday our bug man came. I tried to move what I could away from walls and such. He's a great 'bug guy' so I knew he'd do a thorough job. It was a strenuous day. My legs got quite the workout those first few days, going up and down those stairs. They were hurting terribly (shows how out of shape I am). Wednesday night as I was trying to find out if Jodie was ok (she lives in the Twin Cities area) Zach was talking on the phone to a friend. All of a sudden he sees a roach. He kills it. About 10 minutes later, while I'm still on my search for information and he's still talking football he sees another one. We do NOT like roaches. He is terrified of them, especially since one tried to crawl in his mouth when we were staying in TLF back in '04 when we moved here. Story for another time (I can't remember if I've blogged about that). So, this second one goes behind the TV and then we see it crawling up the wall. By this point I'd gotten a hold of Jodie and found out she was ok and had to frantically hang up the phone. I'm standing in the middle of the living room and Zach's about to walk up to kill the stupid bug when it FLIES at us!!! I SCREAMED and ran upstairs into Princess' room (she was already in bed). Let me say that we were tempted to stay at a hotel or sleep on the floor at our old house. We ended up keeping a light on when we went to bed and all of the kiddos slept with us. I did not want roaches crawling upon my kiddos in their beds!!! Call us chickens, but there is nothing more disgusting to me than a gigantic flying roach. The next morning there were two dead ones downstairs and since then we haven't seen any. I know Mr. Bug Man's poison works wonders! Then yesterday morning Zach saw a black widow in the kitchen when he awoke. Today I've seen at least 10 earwigs crawling around. I can handle earwigs! Roaches. Poisonous spiders. No way. I just hope that we don't get mice next. Those are reserved to visit me when I visit at my mom's house! And these southerners (no offense to y'all) can call them Palmetto Bugs or whatever fancy name they want, but a roach is a roach. And I don't want to hear, 'It doesn't matter how clean you are down here you still get them' because in 3 years we didn't have 1 roach in our last house!!! But, being military housing I guess you never know.

A New Chapter

It is really hard to believe that tomorrow we close on our house. That was the first house we bought together. Before that we'd always lived in military housing. We loved it when we moved in and there are things I will miss about it, but it is nice to have a change also. I never thought I'd want to move back into military housing after owning my own home, but the Lord has really changed my heart. We have way less space in this house but I don't mind. It almost seems bigger in ways. We have tons of storage space it seems, although we don't have as much room in the bedrooms and we don't have a specific schoolroom anymore, although we do have a playroom still, although small. Our garage is tons smaller and we barely have a yard compared to our other house, but we're so content. It is nice to have sidewalks, slow drivers, kids who respect adults and playgrounds nearby. I have only met my neighbor so far, but it seems like a very family and kid friendly area. I will post more later...still trying to settle in and I have to cook dinner and I have a Mom's Night Out tonight. I am enjoying catching up on y'all. It seems a lot longer than a week that I've been gone. Man, I'm addicted to blogging;) Oh yeah, and for all of you campers out there, there is a nice campground right across the road (they even have cabins for those who prefer the more modern way of camping)! So come on down!!!

At Last

I have Internet at home!!! Of course he didn't come until the end of the day to hook it up and then Zach had to call to get it to work. So this will be another short post as I've got dinner clean up to do and a floor that needs to be cleaned. Life is busy as can be lately. It sure is good to be online though. I'm sure I'll catch up at some point...

Quick Update

Wow, I had 15 comments???? What a treat!!! First of all, nobody said anything about my post. I was just saying that I have a right to say what I want to. I wasn't lashing out at anybody or anything like that (and to be honest I can't even remember what it was all about right now, that post, so I'll have to just let it all go). I would like to know who Anon is though... So, to clear that up....Thank you all for understanding my frustrations!

We have a house. We got the keys Tuesday about 1:30. It has been a LONG few days and we don't have Internet until Monday. I had to come to the library to pay some online bills so I thought I'd update real quick. Zach wanted all of the boxes unpacked Tuesday as he didn't want roaches in the house. We're in the south, so roaches are a huge thing. So, stuff was EVERYWHERE for the first few days but today its looking good. Just a few more misc. things to put away here and there and pictures and curtains to hang...all in good time. So, I'm pretty much unpacked and settled...if only the roaches would stay away (a story you'll have to come back for on Monday). We're enjoying our new house, but my legs are KILLING me from up and down the stairs!!!

This morning we went to New Orleans and got fingerprinted for our adoption.

Well, I have so much more to share but I have three cranky kiddos and my hubby waiting for me in the van. I've got bills to pay, address to change and so much still to do. Risa, I hope you get to move in to your house soon. So glad things are finally at least progressing for you. Denise, I hope that things work out for you. Angie, I'm so glad you're blogging and will call you soon. The rest of you...don't let my discouragement, or as my mom said PMS turn you away;)

By the way...please remember with me my two babies I lost this past year. Tomorrow will be the 'birthday' of 'Grace' whom I lost last Aug. 4. And tomorrow is also Malachi's 'due date'. I will probably make a trip to the cemetery and lay some flowers on his grave. I've been quite emotional thinking on it lately so please pray for me. To think I could have my precious son in my arms right now breaks my heart...but I know that this to is all the Lord's plan.

Until Monday...