It is really hard to find a balance between being walked all over and speaking up for yourself. My mom and Zach can vouch for me in that I tend to allow people to use me and walk all over me. It is hard for me to tell somebody when my feelings have been hurt or to stick up for myself in certain situations.
You all know how ready I am to leave Mississippi. I think if I had more close, solid friendships I'd feel differently. You know how something happens and you think, "Oh, I've got to call _____ and tell her all about this!" Well, I don't have that. I end up calling my mom ALL the time! Which is fine, but I really, really miss having that someone to hang out with, chat with and all.
Recently I have been speaking my mind. It started with the whole Subway Contest that didn't allow homeschoolers to participate and then I read an article in American Baby that I quickly responded to. Then I finally told a 'friend' how I'd felt about some actions she'd done concerning me. I felt terrible about it and quickly sent another email apologizing, letting her know how blessed I was in the beginning but how hurt I was that she'd done this. And it all concerns this blog and the reason I've gone private.
In ways I feel relieved that I spoke my mind. I also feel like, "Well, I'm leaving anyway so what's the big deal. If she'd really cared about me this and that wouldn't have happened..." But then I know there will be bitter feelings between us and I hate that. I don't like to walk away from a place with things in disarray! How do you find a balance in these things? There's also another 'friend' I'd like to let know how I feel, but...
I think this pregnancy has gotten me more bold in standing up for myself and speaking my mind. After all, if I weren't pregnant I wouldn't have flipped out at that guy who hit me!!! Or maybe I'm just finally learning to quit taking crap from people.
It is difficult to really figure out who will be a good friend at times, isn't it? I mean you hit it off great, all is going well and then stuff happens and things never really seem to repair themselves. I really pray that the Lord blesses me with wonderful Godly friends in Iowa. On another hand, I have been wondering if something is wrong with ME. Maybe I'm too weird or maybe there's something wrong with me that I'm not aware of that causes these things to happen. Maybe I'm just too stinkin' sensitive and need to let things slide more, but I really value friendships.
Any words of wisdom or advice would be appreciated!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Speaking Your Mind
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7 comments:
Jamie~Nothing is wrong with you!! You are one of the sweetest and loving friend I have ever met.
As far as speaking your mind, yeah it could be the hormones in pregnancy but I think you are really finding a voice for yourself...living in MS will do that :)
I have found it hard to make friends here, but I think that is mostly I am guarding myself as it was so dang hard to leave MS and the friends I made there---you included!
I also have learned that 'true friends' will have those differences and you will have hard talks with one another, but those 'true friends' will always come back and understand what happened and move on.
Hope that is some words of wisdom, although I am not sure how much wisdom I know anymore..... :)
it took me like twenty years to get to where you are now and i'm telling you, once i got to that point, i have no more drama in my life.
I have a very few friends that I hold close and everyone that has actually worked out for me very well since leaving miss.
I just know God has wonderful friends waiting for you in Iowa.
TTYL,
Loriann
Hey girl! I am always a bit bolder when I am pregnant. Those hormones can definitely be rough. You are very sweet and I am sure that you will make some great friends in Iowa!
There is nothing wrong with you, Jamie! I think it is Mississippi! We have had a terrible time "fitting in" here, and we can't wait to move either.
Being sensitive isn't a bad thing. It helps you to be sensitive to other's as well! You're fine just as you are.
How many years have we been friends? I've known you almost as long as I've known Bethany and through those years - though we had our ups and downs - you have always been counted among "my dearest and my deepest" (to quote Clara from Camanchee Moon) so I don't believe its you - I know what you are going through! Just this week I invited one of Luke's friends at our church (through his parents) to VBS where we were going to go to a different church because Luke wanted Andrew to come with him. Well, his dad brought him and I was excited to see that Andrew was there and said hi to the dad (I don't even know the guys name) and tried to make small talk with him. He smiled and shook his head but as soon as the dialog (you couldn't call it a conversation it was so short) ended the guy got up from the chair he was sitting in and walked away...no I'll see you later, it was nice talking to you - nothing. I felt that surely I must at least smell bad but it made me feel embarrassed because maybe he thought I was trying to hit on him or something - or that someone that we didn't know might think we were together (or at least maybe that's what he was thinking). We've been going to that church for almost a year now - and it's not big - maybe 150 people - and you'd think that 2 parents of children who are friends could have a conversation about the boys without any weirdness. I guess that's not so. It must be taboo here for 2 married parents of the opposite sex (not married to each other) to have such a conversation. I could do that in MI and in IN but I guess I've found out the hard way that you can't do it in SD! I have seen the guy every night there since and not spoken a word. I feel funny - like you should at least say hi to be cordial but at the same time what would other people think? *gasp*
Sorry - I'm not as bold as you - I had to vent on your blog because I'm afraid someone I know from my church might read my blog and then there would be some strangeness - not like there isn't already! I'm honestly thinking of changing to the Four Square Church - or at least checking it out. The only people that have really tried to befriend us at our current church are the Pastor and his wife and the Youth Pastor and his wife - who just moved to a different church!
Ok, I've written a book, I'm sorry! I'm done! :)
One thing I have learned in all the moving I have done with the military is to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY before allowing new people into my life. God is awesome and he knows who will be a blessing and who will bring strife into our lives. It has saved me allot of hurt over the years! God is good and he will not lead us wrong. I also pray this over the friends my kids have too! I pray God will bless you with a true friend in your new home town.
Gina
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