I really guess I tend to go back and forth on the whole childbirth thing. Sometimes I think I could do a homebirth (not lately, but other times) and now here I am requesting a c-section! In 'normal' circumstances I would not request a c-section though.
This morning as I was readying for church I was thinking of my conversation I had with a midwife I'd called weeks ago. I wanted her advice on the stones/pregnancy. I think I'd mentioned before that I'd called her. Well, this morning I remembered part of our conversation. Somehow I'd ended up telling her how I'd lost my last two babies. I don't remember her exact wording, but I felt like she was almost 'blaming' me for my losses for not drinking enough water (remember she'd told me to drink TONS of water a day, more than I'd ever heard of). That really stung. I know it wasn't my fault my babies died and for somebody to insinuate something like that...
A few days ago I'd emailed a midwife I know through Above Rubies retreats. I remember how she'd prayed over my body as I carried Malachi's body in my womb knowing he was no longer alive. In my email I told her a bit of my situation and asked if she had any advice. I know people are well meaning in their words, but... Here is part of what she emailed back: I am believing you are a Christian. If so, then remember scripture tells us that there is a TIME to be born and a time to die.That the fruit will fall from the vine in it's due season.So I firmly believe that induction is out of God's order and interfering with HIS dates.
See, things like that just irritate me. Just because I may decide to have my baby early does not mean I'm NOT a Christian. I KNOW God has our appointed dates and I guess I'm feeling like maybe there are other reasons that I don't know about why this baby may be born this way rather than VBAC as I'd hoped. Of course I don't even know what tomorrow holds...we still may have to wait. And I will believe that that is God's course, His plan, even though honestly I may be a bit disappointed about it at first (only because I want my pain gone). But, if we're able to have our precious one I believe it is His plan for this baby.
Either way, there are risks in all ways of birthing babies (the interference of drugs, the cord could wrap around the neck, etc). No matter in which manner we birth our children we need to trust in God that He will bring our babies safely into the world. I know people who are firm home birthers and I know those who will never birth without an epidural. Does that make those who home birth 'better' or more of a Christian than those who don't? Just like homeschooling...are the homeschoolers 'better' than those who send their children to public school. Or just how some people believe in women wearing only dresses, are they more spiritual than us who wear pants and shorts? I believe God convicts us all in different areas at different times in our lives. Maybe one day I'll be convicted to only wear dresses and homebirth! But even if He doesn't I don't feel like I should be made to feel any 'less than' those who have that conviction. Does that make sense? Confession time: And I know I've come across before (and even thought in my mind) that I'm better than so and so because I __________ (fill in the blank). That is SO wrong!!!! Help me Lord to not be that way!
I don't want to start a debate on my blog, just trying to process some thoughts going through my mind right now. I appreciate everyone's emails, comments, etc as I've weighed it all in my mind. It's been an interesting 5 days as I've seriously prayed and contemplated what I should do in this whole matter. I look forward to seeing what the Lord will do tomorrow.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
thoughts
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9 comments:
Hey sweetie:) Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you tonight and tomorrow as you go thru some uncertainty. Whatever is in store, I know that God will show you the path that is right for you! I pray that you have peace in whatever decision is made and whenever that precious little girl arrives, she will be healthy and a blessing to your family. I love you!
That's a pretty extreme statement from the midwife. I mean, sometimes babies are taken early for life-threatening situations such as pre-eclampsia, hemorrhagic ect.
I meant hemorrhage there.
I totally agree that sometimes it's easy for us Christians to forget that our convictions and passions are not necessarily the convictions and passions of others.
I know what you mean. Here I am a "working" mom, who probably will send my kids to public school, with 2 C-Sections behind me....oh and don't get me started on what I wear....and GASP I drink a beer now and then. I try not to get others peoples convictions get to me but its really hard. Its hard to not let it get to you, to not feel stung by well meaning comments.
Praying for you and all your decisions. Can't wait to see what God has in store for you!
Amie, yeah I was quite flabbergasted (sp?) that she was that 'harsh' about it!!! With the 'experience' I've had with these two midwives makes me not want to think about ever getting one!
Beth, thanks for your prayers! Hopefully I'll be calling you with sweet news while holding my precious baby!
Personally, I think you are taking into account what people think too much. If you've made your mind up that you can't handle the pain any more and this baby needs to be born tomorrow, and you have earnestly sought God's grace and feel at peace about it...then you need to not seek others opinions or worry if they think it's wrong or not. That's how we've been with our infertility treatments. Many have implied to us that if it were God's will to have children, we'd have them without medical interference...but we prayed and sought His peace about it before we began, so it does not matter what others opinions are to us. We value those who care enough to give us advice and we are not ugly nor judgemental towards them, however, we remain confident in our decisions.
I think that the opinion of the midwives probably comes from their views on letting things come in their time...midwives dont usually use other methods to induce. So to them...there is no medical reason for an elective c-section this early in a pregnancy other than because of your discomfort. It's probably hard to understand when they arent the one in pain.
It's hard for me to fathom you wanting to take such a risk, too...but Im not the one in pain with kidney stones either. I DO know that, as I've said before, God will protect you and keep you no matter whether your decision is "wrong" or "right."(I dont know that there is such a clear answer in these types of situations) I trust that He has this baby in His hand and will keep her safe.
Try not to take others' advice personally. I feel like even though they were harsher than they should have been...sometimes there is truth and caring that could just have been said gentler or more differently.
I cant wait to meet her at least! Will you have Zach or someone else blog an announcement at least? I'd love to know when she's born without waiting for you to get home! LOL
Christian are also suppose to be supportive and offer that shoulder to cry & lean on it times of need. It's very hard for me to know you get such harsh critizm from fellow Chrisitans. I guess I was brought up in a more willing to accept differences in the church.
Kind of like when you and Zach were on the path of adoption. You would have thought your church family would have been so open to welcoming your new journey in life....it boogles my mind to this day how rudely you were treated.
Like I have said before, take everything with a grain of salt. Why isn't there more encouragement of maybe this is God's plan?
When moving to Iowa, your first doc was fine with doing a VBAC. That path changed which was a blessing because that doctor was just not right for you (or anyone for that matter :)
God lead you to a doctor that listen to your last few months of not just being pregnant, but a person in much pain. God brought him to you and guided you to another doctor to get ready to fix your kidney stones.
God is the one working these doctors hands. God is who we all pray to when a loved one is having a surgery....to make the doctors hands work a miracle and fix what needs to be fixed. I know I have prayed that to him many times with my brother and aunt.
I SUPPORT you in ANY decision you make for yourself and your baby.
BTW, every time I talk to you on the phone or mention you-Jacob asks me "Does Jamie still have kidney stones?" He is so concerned for you and has no clue what a kidney stone is....he just knows they are hurting you!!
Aaawwww!! So sweet!
Paul addresses this issue in Romans 14. When people make you doubt, whether they are a Christian or not, go the Bible. You have built your house on a solid rock, Jamie, and He will not fail you. What He has revealed to you personally through your relationship with Him will not contradict the Bible. Being a Christian is not about having a c-section or natural birth anymore than it was about eating meat or not eating meat in Paul's day. Romans 14:17-18 (NIV): "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men."
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