Dreams, dreams go away...

I haven't really felt like blogging these days. Anyway, I had the weirdest dream this morning and before I forget about it I want to blog about it. Here goes:

My mom had a baby boy. It was her baby. I must have not seen him much, if at all, as I was very sad about it all. We were all at some sort of place where there were different rooms, lots of people, a pool...almost like a combination school, hotel, mall or something? I don't know. Anyway, finally I had this feeling I just had to see the baby now. So I try to find her and can't and I text her. We meet up in this hallway or something and Kim (my stepdad) is carrying him. I grab for him and just look at him and I think I start to cry. He also has on an outfit that I bought at a garage sale for Nathaniel, the only outfit I've kept. I remember then being in a pool with him, just looking at him and feeling so happy, feeling like he was mine. Then rather than sitting in the shallow end of the pool where I was I began to walk toward the deep end. I spotted my parents and then realized I was supposed to have the baby- but I couldn't find him anywhere. I freaked out looking at the bottom of the pool, fearing the worst. Somehow he was somewhere safe and we were relieved.

We then were marveling at him and maybe he was going to eat? I can't remember if I was trying to nurse him or what? But his mouth was really weird. My mom was saying something about sticking a finger in his mouth and massaging it or something. Then I looked at his mouth and it was real red and huge, swollen like or something, with some weird things hanging out of it. Then we noticed blood and I was saying maybe his mouth was bleeding, but we couldn't figure out where from so we dismissed it. Then again we saw blood in the pool (even though we weren't in the pool anymore) and freaked out and decided we needed to get him to the ER right away. Then I woke up.

How crazy, freaky and just weird. I attribute some of it to the fact that I was reading a book about a lady who's pregnant before I went to bed. I read online on our local news about teens drowning in a town pool, and some things we talked about at Mommies with Hope Thursday night. I don't know, it was strange and I couldn't help feeling when I woke up like my baby was 'taken' from me because what kind of mother would I be, allowing my mom's baby boy to almost drown? UH, I HATE that feeling and I know its not true...dreams are so weird!