Seeking Answers

Can you believe its been 7 weeks since I lost Nathaniel? And as I told my friend yesterday, this week is much more difficult than last week. It totally just comes and goes, the waves of sadness, grief, whatever you'd like to call it. Maybe it's also because I've been 'dealing' with it in a different way- I have a referral to a perinatologist to do some testing. I want to get genetic testing done, which this is NOT (we'd have to go to Iowa City for that). I'm not sure if some of the tests they want to do I've already had done with Malachi, but they're looking over my records. I am so VERY thankful that we have good insurance that covers this stuff! So, having to deal with it, talking with them about my loss(es), being asked by a few different people "Are you pregnant?" has left me raw again. The perinatologist's office staff seems wonderful though- and a cool thing about it is its the same doctor who performed my amnio when I was pregnant with Abby. I still feel like I just do what I can to get by. I keep thinking I should do this or that (little things around the house) but just am not very motivated.