Apology

Since I'm still an obedient daughter (to my mother)...no just kidding. I hope I'm still an obedient daughter, but that's not why I'm saying this. It was never my intention to offend anybody. I was simply giving my opinion and my thoughts on how I view this place. I didn't mean to offend those who read my blog, whether you're a stalker or a frequent commenter. So I am sorry to those who were offended by what I wrote. I hope, in turn, to receive an apology as I was quite offended by the anonymous comment.

Anonymous Comments

Ok, is it just me or does it annoy you other bloggers when people leave comments but not their names??? Remember the one comment I had last year in regards to our adoption. I still am not sure who wrote it. Maybe the same person who wrote THIS comment under my 'That Southern Hospitality Thang' post? I am tempted to make my blog by invitation only so that stalkers cannot read it. I like the fact that people can stumble upon my blog and we become blogging friends. But I don't like the fact that people that KNOW me read my blog, about my daily life and such and don't let me know they read it...until they leave THIS comment. My response will be in black, their comments in blue. I am furious reading it. Maybe its pregnancy hormones getting the best of me...I've noticed that with things lately. But like I just said its also the fact that somebody doesn't have balls enough to sign their name yet they snoop into my life by reading my personal blog. And THAT is irritating!

Okay I have to respond to this mess! You are totally misrepresenting Ocean Springs, your church, and the people who live in Ocean Springs. I have to speak up!

Misrepresenting in whose opinion? Yours? You are obviously a local?

I'm sorry that you have not had doors swing open and people running outside to greet you - but Ocean springs is very hospitable. Since hurricane Katrina, a lot of locals are understandably saddened by the loss of THEIR HOMES. But, if you come up to a door with your hands full, you can expect someone to open it. If you only have one or two items at the grocery store - you can expect someone to let you cut in front. If you break down on the side of the road, someone WILL stop. Probably several people. And that is true hospitality anyway.

Hospitality is many things. Sure, it is the kind gesture of somebody holding open a door for you. But it is also, as stated in the Bible, about opening your home to others- be they friends or enemies. And I have seen many a car on the side of the road stranded with nobody stopped to help them.

Another thing, what in the world do you mean that people are acting "offended" that you are moving? Jamie!! You left the church and community so long ago! Not when you moved out a bit, but when you stopped doing this with and within the church. We said goodbye to you a long time ago in so many ways. At this point, most are apathetic at best.

I still am involved in the church, though not as much. And I never said the 'offended' were from the church! It's nice to know my church family is not concerned for me anymore. Thanks for pointing that out. Really makes me feel good. And you wonder why I am ready to go???

What in the world is this about Ocean Springs only being upper class??! Talk to your bag boy, your mailman, you electric man - they will tell you they are middle income at best. Ocean Springs has lower, middle, and upper class citizens. If you are unable to see that, maybe you are as unaccepting as you feel that others might be...

Of course O.S. has all classes- it wouldn't function right as a society if not. But what you see most of is the upper class strutting around like they're all that. This is the view of an 'outsider'. I've had several other 'outsiders' that have moved to this area say the same thing, some of who you, Anon, probably know.

How can you say that no one has reached out to you?? When you lost your sweet baby women rallied to your side. We called you, we prayed for you, we cooked complete meals and carried them to you. I know women who still have you on their prayer lists. Has it meant so little or been so long ago that you have forgotten the comfort we bestowed upon you?

Of course people reached out to me when I lost Malachi. And I am so grateful. It meant so much to me. And on his birthday it really touched me to read the cards and such from those wonderful women. It still touches my heart to think of the kindness. But it hasn't reached beyond that? Sure, we should help people in their grief! But what about reaching out to those same people in normal everyday circumstances? It shouldn't only be when a tragedy occurs that we reach out to others.

What do you MEAN that no one has invited you over? What do you mean that you don't know why?! Several times, in my presence - I watched your kids jump from piece of furniture to piece of furniture with you in the room. These kids did not earn so much as a scowl from you. Speaking for myself only, I do not invite you to gatherings because I want to keep my furniture! Your kids have some poor behavior!

Sure I've been to houses for playdates, as I stated in my earlier post. My children aren't perfect by any means, but I would never allow them to hop from one piece of furniture to another. My children do not have poor behavior and that is quite an insult to me. You obviously haven't been around them often. Like I said, they aren't perfect and I know I complain about them sometimes but in comparison to other children mine are not as bad as you say.

Jamie, I am really not trying to hurt your feelings - but to help you to see the other side of the coin. You have painted a really grim picture of a beautiful town with lovely people. I think you are being so unfair!!

Just because you may see the town as beautiful doesn't mean all do. I do like the quaintness of the downtown- it is beautiful. But beyond that it's not my home and I'm thankful for that. As I was talking to another military wife last night (who I don't think reads my blog so has no idea about any of my posts, but I do think she's a good friend of yours) when we move somewhere we know it is temporary and we make the most of it. Being that it is the end of the road for us, well I am thankful for that. Maybe you need to take off your rose-colored glasses a bit? Or maybe try to see the picture from an 'outsiders' view? Because there are many who feel like I do.

Good luck with your move, your adoption, and your current pregnancy. I hope that you are happy where you are going and that they fill all the needs we were unable to fill. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless!

My normal blog readers...I am sorry if maybe my response wasn't so kind. I know I could have made it much worse than I did. I need to just let this roll off of my back, but sometimes that is difficult to do! My first thought was, "How dare this person write this ANONYMOUS comment on my blog???" Then I began thinking, "See if I ever go back to church, if that's really how they feel about my family!" But I don't think Zach will allow me to skip out on church for 3 months;) And I do have responsibilities there. So I'll just continue on living my life here while looking ahead to a future in Iowa. It can't come fast enough!

Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot on that whole hospitality thing. I realize most of what I wrote pertains not just to the south but it is universal. But you often hear of the south being inviting, with friendly smiling people who open doors and say hello as you walk down the street. I have not seen that while living down here. It's a totally different world than where I come from. I was talking with one of my friends about it today. She is originally from Alaska, but being a military wife has traveled around as well. She agrees that she has not seen hospitality down here like you hear about. And she is in the same boat as I am- really ready and excited to move this summer.

In conversation with another friend it was brought up about a mutual woman we know. This woman has a wealth of friends here but she also has more income than what some have. I love this woman- she is open and friendly to whoever regardless of race, class or whatever and has been so dear to me. But I have noted that because she is more of the 'upper class' as the town is that maybe she is more welcomed. Even my Alaska native friend noticed this with herself. While she's not necessarily 'rich' or 'poor' she lives in a nicer neighborhood and drives a nicer vehicle. Once people discovered where she lived she was 'accepted' (these were her words). I also think part of it is the area we live in. Ocean Springs (the town we lived in until we moved to military housing) is a more upper class society. But then you have Biloxi with its casinos and that is a whole different spectrum that you get of 'southern living' as well.

On to another thought. Alaska friend asked me a few weeks ago if I've noticed people treating me differently since they found out I'm moving. At that time I answered no. But I did tell her that I felt like I was pulling away from things and people a bit, though not intentionally. I think God was really preparing me to move and was slowly drawing us away from certain things to make the move easier, even before we knew we were moving.

But now I notice that I am being treated differently. I feel like people get offended that I'm excited about moving. Sure, I will miss the friends I've made, but at the same time this will by far be our easiest move. I have friends here but they're not like the close relationships I've had in NC and ND. Maybe its best that hospitality wasn't granted to our family!

Oh, another thing on hospitality that was in the comments... I shouldn't have said about inviting a family for dinner! It doesn't matter if you invite a family to dinner, dessert, games, snacks, whatever. The thought is that you are reaching out and being hospitable. Sure, some people can't cook or don't like to cook (I've come a long way in that department). Some people may have a larger family and can't fathom the thought of adding X amount of people to the menu, but they would love to invite a family to dessert or just for some fun fellowship. It doesn't have to be dinner. It's the thought of being hospitable and fellowshipping together as families, not about feeding a belly! After talking with Zach about this whole subject we figured we can only count 5 or 6 families from here who have invited our family to their home- in a total of 4 years. So very sad. Can you blame us for wanting to leave???

About Easter. I must be a bad mom. I didn't snap any pictures of the kiddos. I think the two oldest ones wore the same thing this year as last. We just didn't have money to go and buy a cute new dress or outfit. I was wearing some clothes that were quite tight on me with my expanding figure, but it was the only 'spring' type of shirt I could find! I craved a ham and mashed potatoes but instead made a pasta dish. At least it turned out well- and it was so healthy with zucchini, asparagus and red peppers. Yum! I hope there are some for leftovers!

That Southern Hospitality Thang

There's been a recent thread on one of my yahoo groups about southern hospitality and large families, both subjects together yet separate (if that makes sense). First somebody commented on how their family had I think 5 children and they were never invited to people's homes. We only have 3 children and sometimes I feel like people don't invite us to their homes because of this fact. And I admit although I sometimes complain about my children's behavior they are really great kids, especially compared to some! What will happen when we have 5 children! We'll really not be invited anywhere (I don't believe this though because we'll no longer live here).



But the whole thread got me to thinking. We've lived here in Mississippi now for almost 4 years. It will be 4 years and 2 days when we roll on out of here. And I can count on one hand the number of families that have invited our family to their home. I'm not talking about playdates with Mom and kids- I'm talking about the whole family for dinner. We are usually quite hospitable and love to invite families over on the weekend, although I admit we haven't been doing it as often for some time now. Last year was a mess with losing Malachi and the past couple of months I've been so sick I couldn't even feed my own family much less invite one over! But we have invited way more families to our home for dinner than what we've been invited to. I'm not trying to brag and say we're better than them or anything like that. It is just frustrating! I like when you get a family and you each reciprocate. That is what it was like with our friends the Blackmon's (until they moved away). We'd take turns. We had another family that lived here and we'd get together with them often because we loved them! Yet they never had as at their house! Now I love to have people over, I really do! But sometimes its nice when the favor is returned, ya know?



In North Carolina we had CARE groups at our church. We were always getting together with families for dinner, even outside of CARE group. And it was wonderful! So much fellowship! We have been at our current church for at least two years. Besides get-togethers for Sunday School and birthday parties and such we haven't been invited to anybody's house as a family for dinner! It is so sad how we as Christians have lost our art for hospitality.



Sometimes I think people think they need to have a big, fancy home and nice furniture and then they feel they could have people over. When we were first married I'd clean the entire house before our friends would come over! It isn't necessary. Nobody sees the dust hiding on the shelves and we don't need a big candlelit dinner with fancy china to be fed at your home. I'd be scared eating off of your fancy china! I will eat off of a paper plate and be happy! And it makes the clean-up easier too.



I'm sure it isn't just a Southern thing, but you know you always hear how the people in the south are so friendly and hospitable. I haven't seen that at all. Even in North Carolina. We had our church family that was wonderful but most of us were 'transplants'! The actual people from that area (most of them) weren't friendly at all! I have found the same to be true here. People only look out for themselves and could care less about you. You're just an outsider, an intruder and you really don't belong or fit in is what I think they think about us. I miss the days of living at home in Michigan when you'd walk down the street and people would smile at you and say hi, or in the case where we were from 'hey'. I miss the friendliness of cashiers in the stores, although I realize that more and more people everywhere are becoming so self-centered and not quite as friendly as they were even 10 years ago when I still lived in the U.P.



I can't wait to move to the Midwest, closer to my roots. I really think we'll feel more at home there than we do down here. I also think we'll have more chances to fellowship, both to offer hospitality and to be offered it. I know we haven't moved there yet or met people (in person) but I really feel that things there will be entirely different from here.

Romans 12:13

Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

1 Timothy 5:9,10

No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.

1 Peter 4:9
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.

Romans 16:23

Gaius, whose hospitality I and the whole church here enjoy, sends you his greetings.