There's been a recent thread on one of my yahoo groups about southern hospitality and large families, both subjects together yet separate (if that makes sense). First somebody commented on how their family had I think 5 children and they were never invited to people's homes. We only have 3 children and sometimes I feel like people don't invite us to their homes because of this fact. And I admit although I sometimes complain about my children's behavior they are really great kids, especially compared to some! What will happen when we have 5 children! We'll really not be invited anywhere (I don't believe this though because we'll no longer live here).
But the whole thread got me to thinking. We've lived here in Mississippi now for almost 4 years. It will be 4 years and 2 days when we roll on out of here. And I can count on one hand the number of families that have invited our family to their home. I'm not talking about playdates with Mom and kids- I'm talking about the whole family for dinner. We are usually quite hospitable and love to invite families over on the weekend, although I admit we haven't been doing it as often for some time now. Last year was a mess with losing Malachi and the past couple of months I've been so sick I couldn't even feed my own family much less invite one over! But we have invited way more families to our home for dinner than what we've been invited to. I'm not trying to brag and say we're better than them or anything like that. It is just frustrating! I like when you get a family and you each reciprocate. That is what it was like with our friends the Blackmon's (until they moved away). We'd take turns. We had another family that lived here and we'd get together with them often because we loved them! Yet they never had as at their house! Now I love to have people over, I really do! But sometimes its nice when the favor is returned, ya know?
In North Carolina we had CARE groups at our church. We were always getting together with families for dinner, even outside of CARE group. And it was wonderful! So much fellowship! We have been at our current church for at least two years. Besides get-togethers for Sunday School and birthday parties and such we haven't been invited to anybody's house as a family for dinner! It is so sad how we as Christians have lost our art for hospitality.
Sometimes I think people think they need to have a big, fancy home and nice furniture and then they feel they could have people over. When we were first married I'd clean the entire house before our friends would come over! It isn't necessary. Nobody sees the dust hiding on the shelves and we don't need a big candlelit dinner with fancy china to be fed at your home. I'd be scared eating off of your fancy china! I will eat off of a paper plate and be happy! And it makes the clean-up easier too.
I'm sure it isn't just a Southern thing, but you know you always hear how the people in the south are so friendly and hospitable. I haven't seen that at all. Even in North Carolina. We had our church family that was wonderful but most of us were 'transplants'! The actual people from that area (most of them) weren't friendly at all! I have found the same to be true here. People only look out for themselves and could care less about you. You're just an outsider, an intruder and you really don't belong or fit in is what I think they think about us. I miss the days of living at home in Michigan when you'd walk down the street and people would smile at you and say hi, or in the case where we were from 'hey'. I miss the friendliness of cashiers in the stores, although I realize that more and more people everywhere are becoming so self-centered and not quite as friendly as they were even 10 years ago when I still lived in the U.P.
I can't wait to move to the Midwest, closer to my roots. I really think we'll feel more at home there than we do down here. I also think we'll have more chances to fellowship, both to offer hospitality and to be offered it. I know we haven't moved there yet or met people (in person) but I really feel that things there will be entirely different from here.
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
7 comments:
We sure don't get invited to dinner often. When one of Jeremiah's co-workers invited us last fall I was really surprised and kept asking Jeremiah "are you SURE they invited us for DINNER?". It doesn't really bother us though, we get together with friends a lot and have snacks and stuff but not usually a meal.
I think it is universal (transplant vs. native). The natives here in our county could not care less about us transplants, except for the few very godly families we know at church who are natives.
I wonder if the big family thing is not the reason you have not gotten a lot of invites. We don't get them either and thinking about what you wrote, I think it is more that people are so wrapped up in their own worlds that they forget to open it up to others.
I do that EXACT thing. There are 3 families I could tell you this minute that I have "intended" to call and ask over for dinner. But I have either gotten too wrapped up in myself or fretted over my imperfect house, etc.
You hit the nail on the head, we are too self absorbed in appearances! So don't take it personally... unless it is a native, LOL!
You will be happy to hear, talked with Alan VW just a bit ago. Gave him the update with you guys. He says Ames is a nice place and friendly people. You do have something to look forward to - hospitality:) Love you - MOM
You know, the Bible does say that in the end the love of many will wax cold; maybe the lack of hospitality is just a symptom of the times, and not just the location?
We haven't done a good job of having folks over, living here; and have made a resolution to have one family over/week while in Japan, ............Jim and I feel very convicted on this.
Our area is very rude....from people driving places (case in point Pete was heading home from church this morning down our street at 30...the posted speed limit...with a guy right on his tail the whole way. He had to wait to pull around a car parked in the road and he could see that guy cussing him out...the guy even stopped to cuss him out and S was sitting in the car...The guy was mad because he was "driving 5 mph".) and at the check out (both cashiers and customers)....everywhere. I think it's got to do with, like you said, the self centered society we live in....I do notice a difference when I go "home" tho.
So anyway, it's not just a Southern thing.
I can count on one hand the number of times we've had people over for a sit down dinner since we've been married....in fact it's been twice. It's just not something we do....but we have had friends over for games and dessert quite a few times....I guess it just depends on what you prefer to do...I can't cook very well so I prefer not to have the stress of preparing a meal for people.
Anyway, thre's my two cents....love the apron from your mom by the way! Is she making one for Princess next? =)
I have tried to publish a comment two times.
Okay I have to respond to this mess! You are totally misrepresenting Ocean Springs, your church, and the people who live in Ocean Springs. I have to speak up!
I'm sorry that you have not had doors swing open and people running outside to greet you - but Ocean springs is very hospitable. Since hurrican Katrina, a lot of locals are understandably saddened by the loss of THIER HOMES. But, if you come up to a door with your hands full, you can expect someone to open it. If you only have one or two items at the grocery store - you can expect someone to let you cut in front. If you break down on the side of the road, someone WILL stop. Probably several people. And that is true hospitality anyway.
Another thing, what in the world do you mean that people are acting "offended" that you are moving? Jamie!! You left the church and community so long ago! Not when you moved out a bit, but when you stopped doing this with and within the church. We said goodbye to you a long time ago in so many ways. At this point, most are apathetic at best.
What in the world is this about Ocean Springs only being upper class??! Talk to your bag boy, your mailman, you electric man - they will tell you they are middle income at best. Ocean Springs has lower, middle, and upper class citizens. If you are unable to see that, maybe you are as unaccepting as you feel that others might be...
How can you say that no one has reached out to you?? When you lost your sweet baby women rallied to your side. We called you, we prayed for you, we cooked complete meals and carried them to you. I know women who still have you on their prayer lists. Has it meant so little or been so long ago that you have forgotten the comfort we bestowed upon you?
What do you MEAN that no one has invited you over? What do you mean that you don't know why?! Several times, in my presence - I watched your kids jump from piece of furniture to piece of furniture with you in the room. These kids did not earn so much as a scowl from you. Speaking for myself only, I do not invite you to gatherings because I want to keep my furniture! Your kids have some poor behavior!
Jamie, I am really not trying to hurt your feelings - but to help you to see the other side of the coin. You have painted a really grim picture of a beautiful town with lovely people. I think you are being so unfair!!
Good luck with your move, your adoption, and your current pregnancy. I hope that you are happy where you are going and that they fill all the needs we were unable to fill. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless!
Post a Comment