Monday, August 07, 2006

When will it be over?

It is a miscarriage. The ultrasound picture from last night showed that the baby is a lot lower in the uterus than on Thursday and it also showed that it is losing tissue (or something like that). I was a bit bummed that the doctor did not do another ultrasound to check on things. Maybe he was mad that I went to the ER? We had tried to call his cell phone as he gave me his number but we couldn't get through. Anyway, he then examined me and found that I am dilated and said that it won't be long for the baby to pass. Boy did it hurt when he examined me. I know that never feels good, but it hurt terribly- so bad that I was squeezing the life out of Zach's hand and just bawling. I could not stop crying. Even though I 'knew' I was having a miscarriage it just hit having it 'confirmed' and I just bawled and moaned like a baby. But it felt good to do. I am on a pain medicine and boy is it good. I'm not big on medicine- I don't take it unless I need it, but this is wonderful. I feel a bit wired right now and tired, but I don't feel cramps like I did. He also gave me a prescription for something to aid the miscarriage along. I am apprehensive to take it as it is something given for abortions. While I'm sure my baby isn't alive I guess I just want God to do this all on his own, if that makes sense. I don't want to live with this question in my mind for the rest of my life of aborting my child. I don't know if I make any sense at all. Anyway, within the next 24 hours this should be over for the most part. Thanks for all of your prayers and I'll keep you updated. Let me mention how wonderful Zach has been. Truly awesome. I have the best husband. I cannot stop being thankful for him. He has been my anchor (besides God). He has done it all around the house all weekend- cooking, baths, taking care of the kids. He is truly a blessing.

11 comments:

Amie said...

I'm glad your pain is under better control. I can understand how you feel about the medicine he gave you. Especially since things seem to be happening anyway. I'm really sorry you have to go thru this.

Choppzs said...

I totally understand about the medication thing too! But I am glad your pain isn't so bad anymore. This really sucks for you and the family, and I am so sorry for you all! You are all still in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

Well I'm glad you're not having to deal with it so much physically, I'm sure the meds are a blessing... you've got enough to deal with emotionally. Our prayers are with you & your family... Just lean on your Lord :-)

crystal

Wethyb said...

I'm not too sure what to say--I know what I want to say, I'm just not very good at saying it. I am just so sorry that you have to be going through this and my heart goes out to you. You and the family are in my thoughts & prayers.

DDK23 said...

I don't know if it means much but I am crying along with you. Although I don't really know what you are going through, it is sad to see you go through this.

Jodie said...

I'm so sorry Jam! Wish I could give you a hug!

myboys9802 said...

Honestly hon, I would take the meds the doctor gives you. I understand your thoughts. I don't think you want to go and get a D&C done. Also the faster you pass this baby and the doctor gives you the go ahead you can try again. I understand this baby is with you and will always be with you, but you can't stay in the present and you will need to move on. If you need me for anything I'm right down the road. HUGS

Christine said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this sorrow. I am glad that the medicine has taken away your physical pain. Prayers that He will hold your hand through everything. What a blessing that He has given you such a loving husband. I am sure you are quite a blessing to hubby as well!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If there's anything I can do, please let me know.
God bless,
Loriann
5zellos@satx.rr.com

Kay in PA said...

((((JAMIE)))) So sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through!

Anonymous said...

Jamie,
First I want to opologise for taking so long to respond to you. We have been so busy that I have not checked my yahoo emails. My heart goes out to you and your whole family during this time. If you need to talk or a shoulder..
give me a call..if you need ANYTHING..ok?

huggs,
Kathy