Check-Up

Today I had a check-up at the doctors. I didn't anticipate it being as difficult as it was. To see all of the pregnant women and think that I should be one of them sporting my belly. Then, the nurse who checked me in was asking me all sorts of questions that really threw me off- the two biggest were when my last menstrual cycle was and why I was there. I didn't know how to answer either of those questions and it really frustrated me that she didn't know why I was there. Could she not have looked at a chart or something? I looked at Zach, looked back at her and said, "I don't know. I don't know what to say". Then I hesitated and blurted out, "I delivered a dead baby three weeks ago". So, that set off emotions and made me pretty angry. Then the doctor came in. So far all of the tests they've done came back fine, but they haven't gotten back the chromosome one yet. He'll let me know the results of those and if that is normal then there are a few more tests they can run on me. He was very sympathetic- he took me into his office alone (away from my rambunctious kiddos) to see how I was really doing. I was honest. I told him I'm okay. Some days/times/moments are harder than others, but really I am doing okay. We talked some more and I thanked him and told him how thankful I am for him- that he was respectful of our wishes and not persistent for me to get a D&E. I was crying off and on through the course of our whole conversation. When I got up to leave he actually hugged me. It was right after I was telling him how thankful I was for both he and the nurses, saying how it must have been difficult for them as well. I was shocked, floored and thankful that he had sympathy to do that- to hug me- a patient. What sort of military doctor does that kind of thing? I doubt there are many. Once I am more 'stable' I want to bring him something as a thank you, as well as the nurses at labor and delivery. So, I walked away from the appointment crying for the loss of my baby, but also crying for the joy of such a wonderful doctor.