Honesty

Wow, what a terrible week I had! It was just awful! Every single day. As I thought about it yesterday at my breaking point I realized it was total spiritual warfare. Here last weekend I'd bought a devotional book, all ready to delve into the Word of God and GROW and then my week was like that? To me it was just no coincidence.

Josiah was sick one to two days, Gabriel's behavior had me pulling out my hair and I was not looking forward to the weekend as I knew Zach would be gone all weekend. Wednesday he worked late and then we had Bible study so I felt like we didn't 'connect' at all. Thursday he got home a tad bit early, we grabbed a bite to eat and did some grocery shopping. He bought the kids a new Wii game and I was mad about it and had an attitude. So of course, we got home and the kids were allowed to stay up later. I really felt like i needed a break or I'd break, especially with him being gone all weekend, but he wanted to see the kids before he left. I wanted to spend time with him and also wanted the kids in bed! I was soooo crabby. I just wanted some time without kids, ya know? So, things didn't go too well before he left. I HATE that!

It didn't help too that I *knew* that time of month was approaching and so my hormones were just out of whack! Yesterday was just awful...the worst day and I didn't think it could get worse than what Wednesday was! Hannah was now sick, Abby was clingy, I wanted to clean the house and do school. By the time dinnertime came around things were ok, but that was after I just sat on the floor crying, crying out to God and saying "I don't want to be this type of Mom."

Once the kids were in bed I spent some time reading my Bible and just sitting quietly. I really needed that. This morning I feel so much better. Maybe part of it is that I know we don't have the 'stress' of school or maybe its just my attitude. Or maybe its that my kids are being babysat in front of the TV? I don't know, but I do feel more peaceful. You know, sometimes you just need to hit that breaking point and surrender it all to Him.

I'm hoping to run and get a few items from the store today and hit the library but we'll see how the day goes. Right now its 11 am and we're all still in our PJ's and Abby's napping. Totally relaxing! Thank you Jesus!

It pays off!

Persistence that is. Gabe is doing so well reading now! Back in November he would pretty much grumble and not want to try to sound out the words. Now, even though he has to sound out pretty much every word, he does it without complaining and does it correctly! I took a break in Nov/Dec and did some work in 'Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons'. I guess maybe that helped a bit too? It's just so cool to see when it finally 'clicks'!

On another hand I really need to look into some speech therapy for him. I dread it. Only because in the winter I want to be a homebody. It's much easier to just stay home with 4 children when the weather is nuts! Hannah had some speech therapy for a bit in Mississippi and it did help a bit. I know that they do eventually outgrow some of it also, and I do try to work with him on some of his sounds as we do school (he'll say the "V" sound as a B sound, for example). There are other sounds also. I have a friend who has her son in speech so I just need to ask her for the information. I was going to today as we were supposed to have a playdate but lo and behold Josiah's had a headache and I thought we'd better stay put just in case!

When it comes to math Gabe is awesome! He usually doesn't even have to think about what he's doing! I really love our math program! I don't think he'd do as well with a different program. Then again, maybe he's just really good with numbers. He just flies through his work and many times he'll know the answer without trying to figure it out! That was not the case when Hannah and Josiah did math at this level!

So, that's school with Gabe these days. He really enjoys the various things our supervising teacher dropped off, also. Next time I'll have to let you know about Josiah's schooling!

Sunday

Just last night I was complaining about seeing no sun. It had been awhile and for days and days and days and days it was so foggy! It was really getting on my nerves! Rather than pray about it, I just complained and felt a bit blah. This morning I awoke, showered and readied myself for church and came downstairs to notice the BLUE sky and sunshine! Thank you, Jesus!

Today was 'Sanctity of Life Sunday' in church. It was cool to see that they fill baby bottles for a local crisis pregnancy center! Our church back in MS did the same. Today they showed a video about a baby after conception. It was so moving and I had tears pooled in my eyes! Ever since losing my two babies it affects me so much more. It is just amazing how God forms us, knits us in our mother's wombs. Absolutely amazing. I'm amazed by technology, electricity and such but nothing compares to how God creates us and grows us. I was realizing recently that it's getting near the time of Malachi's birthday...well ok, its in March but it was such a long ordeal through the whole month of February that month will never really be the same, especially as I also think of my other baby whom should have been due about that time. I cannot wait to meet those precious babies!

On another note, part of me is wondering if maybe I should just volunteer at the local pregnancy center. I don't know, definitely something to pray about. I know I want to do something, I just need to see where God guides me and wants me to be used.

We sit in the very last row in church (call us the Back Row Baptists...although we don't consider ourselves Baptist). It is easy to be distracted sitting back there! It's easier to do when we have the kids with us, but they're really great. We've been putting Abby in the nursery lately as this age is a difficult age to try to keep still. It seems always about this age we put the kids in the nursery for a short time. Anyway, one time we saw a grown man/father playing on his cell phone! There's been times when we see kids who are old enough to sit still and try to listen color or read. Now I have nothing against these things. My own children have gone through the stage of taking quiet things to do in church- when they're YOUNG. But when you're about 7 or 8 years old do you really need markers and a coloring book in church? Today was the kicker- a boy had his GAME BOY!!! I was so floored! WHAT is that teaching your children about church, about how HOLY God is? This boy had to be at LEAST 7 years old! He was right in front of us so I had to keep checking to make sure Hannah and Josiah weren't watching his game! Certainly I can understand drawing in a bulletin, but to play a VIDEO GAME in church??? Obviously his parents don't want to train him or don't care about him learning about Jesus. I don't know, it was just very disturbing.

Not that I'm perfect not done everything perfectly with my children. I must say though that I am very thankful for how well they sit in church.

Another kind of crazy thing...recently I was thinking about one of my old college friends. I haven't been able to locate her on facebook, yet I know a few people who have been in touch with her. I'd love to reconnect with her and was just thinking of her yesterday and the day before. Well, then I get a prayer request from a mutual friend of ours asking to pray for V's stepdad who has cancer and is about to die. It's so GOD when something like that happens...when the person is already on your mind and then you find out why! I hope I'm able to connect with her again soon.

The sermon in church was wonderful. Our Pastor has been preaching on Jesus, the Miracle Man. There were also baby dedications and it was so neat how they did theirs.

I'm blank

I've had all these ideas running through my head lately about what to blog about and now they're gone. Disappeared. I feel like my brain cells have just depleted. Zilch. I'm so tired. The past two mornings I was up earlier than usual. Yesterday I couldn't' really fall back to sleep after Zach left, I was so worried about him driving to work when there was ICE everywhere! Yep, we had an ice storm. It's crazy, the public school kids have missed so much school. We've missed so many nights of our small group. BUT, the M Christian Academy carries on! Maybe this will be the first year we'll be done before the public school kids! I've come to learn, living in this climate for only a year while homeschooling, that you want to be OUT come those nice spring days! So, we're taking advantage of the cold, yucky days when we can't go out.

It was a bit of a bummer though, as we were supposed to have a playdate, I was going to get a few errands done and I was going to take Hannah to this book club at the library. BUT, we did get some academics in and will have time for a playdate later!

Ok, enough of this boring post. Hopefully I'll remember something and make my next post a bit more entertaining!

Crazy week

This week has been crazy busy, but good. Even still I know next week will be even more nuts. At least the weather has warmed up a bit more. By warm I mean 20s and 30s. It's so weird how we think that is 'warm'! Anyway, let's see...

We did our normal schoolwork at the beginning of the week. It was nice to really get back into the routine. We did just a review of history as our 'semester' had ended. I really love our history, yet the kids grumble about it. I just don't get it! I try to make it fun and we do projects and such at times. Maybe I need to try to incorporate more projects, I don't know. Then again we don't always have time to do things like that either, by the time we get other things done.

Thursday I had two friends over. There was the 3 of us moms and our 10 kids. The kids did great though! We all contributed pizza and fruit and had lunch together. I think we decided we're going to do this every couple of weeks, switching houses. The weird thing about it is that Hannah is the oldest. It is really weird to me to have the 'older' kids now. I always felt like my kids were the younger ones. Guess I'm getting older! That was something we talked about too. Like in our head we totally don't feel like we're older. I still feel like I'm a kid in my head! Sure, I feel responsible and all, but seriously where did the time go? How do I have 4 kids!? Where on earth has the time gone? Just crazy!

Zach took a half day that day so after they left he took the three older kids to the movie so Abby and I went and did a bit of necessity shopping and ate dinner at Chili's! Then we had our small group that night. We haven't had it for a long time and it was so nice to get back into it!

Friday I did school with the kiddos in the morning and then I went and got my eyebrows waxed and Hannah and I got our hair trimmed. Then I decided to run to Ames to bring my kid's clothes for consignment. It was such a wasted trip! First, I saw on the door how they weren't taking clothes in January so I brought my bin back into the truck. Then I wanted to pull my clothes that haven't sold yet and take them home, but I couldn't find a ton of them. I found 2 things with my number on them that weren't even mine! So, I asked about it and they said they'd look into it. No wonder I couldn't find any of my clothes! It makes me wonder what happened to the things I did bring in and whether or not I got credit for things that sold. So when I left I was very frustrated.

I did get to go to my friend, Jenn's though. I hadn't seen her in a LONG time! It was so nice to go and visit, to see her kids and to snuggle her baby. The baby slept on me the whole time! Sure brings on baby fever :)

Now today has been so busy...trying to clean up since I didn't get much done the past couple of days, had grocery shopping to do and STILL have bills to pay. It is so never-ending and sometimes it is really annoying! I just want a break from it all! Remember my dream? I'm really desiring that right about now!!!

Touching

Did anybody else watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition Sunday night (the one with David Cook)? I love that show! It is always just so touching and I always shed at least one tear. I was so moved by the girl in this show, a 12 year old with an incurable blood disease who is working to help kid's with cancer. Maybe the show touches me so much because at one time I wanted to be one to help people in a 'greater' or different capacity than what I do now.

For those who don't know, at one time in my life I wanted to be a social worker (hence the degree and $20k + school loan). I wanted to work in a children's hospital. Well, after seeing the show Sunday night I thought maybe I need to at least volunteer in some capacity. I've briefly looked in the past at volunteering in different capacities but never have. Being that we have a children's hospital nearby, the wheels in my brain began turning.

I just requested a volunteer form. They have a volunteer meeting February 2 that I hope I'll be able to attend. Even if I just do a few hours a week. Not only will I do something I've wanted to do for years and years, not only will I be able to (hopefully) impact children's lives in some sort of capacity (I hope NOT pushing paperwork, when I volunteered at a hospital while in college that's what I ended up doing), but I'll also be able to volunteer. IF I were to ever use my degree one day I could have this experience under my belt.

So, I will keep you posted on what happens. I'll continue to pray about it. It would also give me a chance to get out of the house on a regular basis! I'm really excited for where this may go!

Dream part deaux

Okay, Sherry your dream sounds absolutely heavenly. That's my dream also, I was aiming more for realistic :) Jamie, I'd love to grab spaghetti with you and both enjoy time away! I miss you SO much!

The other day I called my friend, Sadie, to see if she wanted to go out for dinner that evening. I hadn't really had much time away from my family during Christmas break, but I didn't mind that. I just thought I'd get a chance to get out before Zach returned to work on Tuesday. I had a coupon for Ruby Tuesday, buy one entree and get one free. I also decided to splurge and got a virgin strawberry daiquiri AND dessert! We then headed to the mall where I found jeans for Hannah for only $5! I also was able to get some deals at Bath & Body Works and Victoria's Secret! It was good shopping, but more importantly I had such a great time with my friend! It felt like awhile since we'd seen each other and it was nice to just sit and chat. I know I certainly needed it. So, thanks Sadie for being my 'date'!

On another note I think I may have broken my toe this morning. It happened in the most peculiar way- while getting dressed! What on earth! I just lost my balance trying to put on my underwear and somehow landed on that toe wrong. A naughty word slipped out, good thing the kids weren't around. It bruised up a little right away and I couldn't even bend it and could barely walk! Now it's really bruised and it really hurts. Ouch! How crappy. How do I manage to do such a stupid thing? I guess from now on I need to dress while sitting? Boy oh boy, I've always been clumsy but not to THIS extent!

Dumb as a Rock

***IS THIS BETTER MOM? MAYBE I SHOULD MAKE THE FONT BIGGER TOO! JUST KIDDING! Sorry, when I type its a white background so I'm not aware of the color issue when it posts!

So, our cable/Internet bill went up. Our year special ran out. Our bill was $150! I was like, "I am NOT paying that ridiculous price for cable & Internet!" So, I began to do some research on Direct TV and Dish Network. I know they both had specials they were offering. I decided they were both about the same price so was going to go with Direct TV and both my mom and I would get $10 off our bill for the next 10 months (I used her as a referral). So, I was going to change my Internet to Qwest. First, they tell me my computer cannot be older than 4 years. I said it was. Then I said I wasn't sure how old it is. I'm really NOT sure how old it is, but it IS older than 4 yrs. WHY on earth can I not get Internet from them just because of the age of my computer? Our laptops aren't that old, but our main PC is. So dumb. So I told them I wanted it anyway, stating I wasn't sure how old it was. Then I get a call yesterday about everything. The lady began to give me a phone number. Then she told me I needed to either rent or buy one of their modems. I thought, "WHATEVER!" We have a perfectly fine modem, although its for cable, not DSL. Then I began to think how I have NO phone line in the basement, where they'd probably have to set it up. I told the lady I ended to speak with my husband. I called him and told him what was going on and that I was cancelling Qwest and maybe DTV. So, I did. I signed up with Dish Network instead. For the same price as what we would've gotten with DTV we also get a DVR. The only thing is we'll have to stick with the same Internet company (cable) which is still a bit pricey. They charge you an extra $15 if you only have Internet through them! Oh well, I'm still saving money. And wouldn't you know when I called to cancel our cable the guy 'had an offer' but when I called a week ago to ask about my price being jacked up there was nothing they could do!

Then I felt almost harassed by the DTV lady when I told her I wanted to cancel. "But don't you understand the savings you're missing out on?" she kept asking. I did not tell her I'd get my services elsewhere! Then she told me she'd push back my installation date so I could think about it! No! And have to waste how much time calling AGAIN to cancel! What do those people not understand about that word~ cancel? Oh well, I got it all taken care of and eventually got school taken care of too.

Then my little Abby had diarrhea for awhile and then broke out into a rash. I thought I'd better call the doctors office, just to speak to a nurse, to ask about it. I figure there wasn't anything they could do but just wanted to check. The nurse calls back and was like, "Well you missed her last two well-baby appointments" to which I just said that we had a busy year, my husband was out of town a lot and I didn't realize. I think WBA's are SUCH a waste of time! My child has been very healthy and after having 4 I think I can tell. I think they just want to try to scam your insurance money out of you for those appointments. Not to mention you go there and come home sick! She then tells me how my daughter is behind on immunizations. Uh oh. I said she hasn't had any yet and she just paused and then told me how Abby probably caught something because she is NOT immunized. What EVER lady! DUH! So, I made a 'well-baby appointment' and brought Abby in. I wasn't too worried about the doctor with the shots, but was a bit. So far she's been super wonderful about it. And yesterday all she said was something about letting me make the decision to get her shots. Well, YEAH, it is my decision, but she was real friendly about it and not pushy or anything, just said how they DO recommend them. Why is it nurses can be a huge pain in the butt, more so than doctors???

Ok, time to get off of my soapbox for the day and change a diaper! I've been on this computer long enough. It's time to do something else!

~D~R~E~A~M~

So, as I lay awake last night due to Abby's diarrhea and had a dream. A wish, if you will. I think I mentioned on here (maybe?) that I haven't slept through the night since before she was born. She turned 16 months on Christmas. I was awake often before Abby was born, not only dealing with the final stages of pregnancy but also dealing with kidney stones and a stint. Abby's still sleeping with us, still nursing and still nursing at night. I wonder, at this point (just as I did with Gabe) why I decide to co sleep. I love it, but after awhile I really want my bed back and I want my sleep! I want to wean her but now that she's not feeling the greatest it's not an ideal time to try, and I'm really not sure how to try to go about it! She does take sippy cups, but she usually falls asleep to her mama's milk. Sigh. Anyway, I began to formulate a dream in my head...

Once my little girl is all weaned I'd love to take a Friday night and go to a hotel. No, make that a Bed & Breakfast. Just me. I'd pack my Bible, a book I'm reading, some bubble bath and chocolate. I'd leave my computer at home but take my cell phone to call home and say goodnight. And I'd just enjoy myself and relax. I'd maybe go out to dinner (alone) or grab a bite to eat. I'd be sure to have some yummy java or pop. Then I'd take a nice, relaxing bath. I'd read God's Word and read my book. I'm have a whole bed to myself and sleep so well, not worrying about my baby nursing, another child crawling into my bed in the middle of the night or one of Zach's many mid-night potty breaks! Ahhh that sounds so wonderful and relaxing. Yep, it's a dream. A far-fetched one, but that's usually what dreams are. What is your dream?

I'm really hoping to have her weaned by March. There's an Above Rubies retreat in Nebraska that I wouldn't mind going to and I'd love to take Hannah but leave Abby home (I've tried a retreat with a toddler, and while it works its just not as ideal).

Brrr

It is COLD outside! I was going to run to the library to return some books and get Hannah's book and run out to mail a few things to my parents but I managed to coax Zach to do it instead. I don't want to go out in the negative degree weather! And it's so teasing, the sun is shining and it LOOKS like it should be beautiful. But just open the front door and the cold air comes flying in. Yuck.

I feel bad that the dog has to go outside to pee when it's so cold out there! She doesn't even venture off the deck on days like this, and I can't say I blame her!

Zach's supposed to be having some guys over tonight to play Risk. Just some of the neighbor guys. I totally don't mind, but then he wants to do it tomorrow night too! I really wouldn't mind, but why does it always have to be at our house? Some of the people don't have kids, or if they do they don't have nearly as many as we have, so why can't they 'host' Risk night! Anyway, I'm sure he'll have a great time.

It's a New Year!

It's so weird that it's 2010! It seems like we just hit 2000, when people were going crazy over the whole Y2K deal and stocking up on canned goods. Now here we are already 10 years later! It just baffles me how time flies!

We didn't do anything exciting last night. My friend/neighbor invited us over for games, football and food but I wasn't sure if we'd go. The kids have been coughing and having runny noses, I was tired from our drive back from Dubuque and just didn't know what we'd do. I really wanted to go though, to have something to do. I'm not sure Zach knew what he wanted to do either, until he said it was way too cold out to go out. That's when I was bummed. Even if we'd just gone for a couple of hours. I guess I'm really more the social one than he is, I like to get out and meet people. I was bummed thinking how the stupid weather ruined that and the concert a few weeks ago that I wanted to go to but couldn't because of the roads :( It is just such a bummer! Anyway, it was all good and I managed to get a good portion of my book read and I think I was asleep by like 10:30!

Today I managed to get the downstairs cleaned and took down the Christmas stuff. I did my menu and went grocery shopping. I cleaned the upstairs bathrooms and put laundry away. It was a rather successful day. I even managed to almost finish my book. It's due back tomorrow so I'll either finish tonight or tomorrow morning. I'm reading The Time Traveler's Wife. It is so weird. I remember seeing a preview of the movie and thinking it looked good bu wanting to read the book first. The book is almost trash. Way more sex and stuff in it than what I normally read. But, I wanted to see what happened and now I have about 50 more pages. So, off to watch the movie on TV and finish my book.

Happy New Year to you all!!!