Acts 2: 42-47
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
I wrote another post this morning, but I didn't publish it. I just don't want to come across the wrong way. I don't want to come across as being whiny, I simply want to state my heart in this matter. My heart has been heavy on this very issue for some time. I don't want to get into my complaints or disappointments here, at least not in depth!
We have attended our current church for over a year now. A year ago we joined a cell group. We go to a relatively large (large to us) church that has two morning services to accommodate numbers. We haven't really gone to the 'coffee time' between services too often, I admit. I attended a Women's Retreat in the spring and Zach just attended a Men's Retreat. We've had I think only one family in our home for fellowship, aside from the normal cell group times, although we've invited a few others. I've gotten together with the gals from cell group to fellowship and have dinner or dessert or coffee. Aside from those instances, aside from the 'set' meeting times there's been little else, although we were provided meals after losing Nathaniel from both our cell group and a sister group.
Today is a 'big' day. A few months ago we attended the 3 hour long membership class. A few weeks ago we turned in our membership application, enclosing our written testimony. The next part is to meet with the deacon(s) and verbally give your testimony. That is what is taking place tonight. I am nervous. I don't feel ready. Not nervous about my testimony or sharing it, but nervous about joining a church that I'm just currently not comfortable in. I think Zach's main goal in becoming members is so that we're able to serve, which makes sense. I love the preaching, the songs/worship are wonderful but I feel like the fellowship is really lacking for us.
I know we're 'new'. I know many people have gone to this church for years. Many went to Bible college together. Many are family with one another. But does that excuse them from embracing new families? Are we just falling through the cracks or are there others like us who feel the same way? Now that we'll be official members will we be more 'accepted'? I just feel like a church body should be like the verses above. We should be breaking bread together, meeting throughout the week, etc. I have had one very short playdate with one person from our cell group (at my house). One. One family has come for dinner. One. Whatever happened to the encouraging one another, fellowship, meals, actually knowing one another?
I told Zach last night that I feel like in the 3 weeks that I've gone to a homeschool co-op that I've met and am getting to know more people than in the year and a half we've been going to church. I knew of maybe 2 or 3 women before said co-op but never really sat and visited with them much. How sad!!! I don't mind that my fellowship comes from co-op or other homeschool events, but should said fellowship come more from those than from your own church family?
And my husband really put himself on the line going to the Men's Retreat not really knowing anybody too well. I'm proud of him! I think it's (normally) easier for us women to do such things than men. Do you know that the people who talked with him were older men??? Men our parent's age and older? Seriously, how sad is that!?!
UGH, I am just so frustrated! I'm really not 'feeling' it, really not desiring to be a part of this body. I will follow my husband's leadership if that is what he feels is right, and I'll pray that maybe more doors will open for us to fellowship with others once we're finally 'in'. But why should it take a form and interview to be 'accepted'? Or maybe I'm just putting too much in the way of 'feelings' into this. There are also some other instances I could write about that have me doubting this step, like the fact that a friend who doesn't even go to this church contacted them after I lost Nathaniel and was really needing tangible help, but I was never contacted on it and neither was she. Could this be the reason I feel so ill this weekend, why my stomach is seriously hurting? Please just pray for us. Pray for me, that my emotions don't get in the way of my judgement on this.