Monday, December 17, 2007

Bah Humbug of some sort

I am in a real big fat ugly funk. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of my kids. I just feel like I'm doing the worst job of mothering ever. I know its a lie from the devil himself but its how I feel nonetheless. I feel like I can never get a word in edgewise with my husband because my rude children never let us talk. I feel like I have emotional needs that aren't being met. I feel like I can't talk about the babies I lost, like I have to keep it buried. I feel like my body is a failure to not be working properly and I wonder when and if it will. I have so much to do to get ready to go 'home' that I don't even know where to begin. I am overwhelmed. I am annoyed. I am crabby. I really feel like I'm on my last thread. My kids are running around the house like wild and just can't settle down. It's been like this for weeks. I know they're kids but it drives me nuts. I can't do something simple with them without a catastrophe happening. Why can't I just do it and enjoy it? Why am I simply surviving in this role and not fulfilling it the way I need to? When will I get it right?????

10 comments:

Amie said...

Well, it's been my experience that these posts are mostly venting and not looking for advice so I will just say I hope the cloud lifts soon.

Anonymous said...

Praying that you have a better day tomorrow...

Blessings,
Danielle
(mylifeinashoe)

Erica said...

You know I've been there too! Even the best of us get bogged down in it sometimes.

Funky Music said...

Jamie, I'm praying for you and your family..It is true if mama is not happy then no-one is...Come on girl pull yourself up by your boot straps and start by making a thankful list....
I too have lost twins and I miss carried while in Africa picking up Joseph. It is hard but your children that are before you need you to be strong..
Hang in there my friend...

much love and many blessings,
Robin

Jodie said...

You need a break! Hugs!

DDK23 said...

The worst part of holidays is the "stress" you can feel about getting ready for them. Plus all the additional emotional strain you are under. I hope you are better today....I know I have had days where I have felt the same way and sometimes its good to get it all out then you can let God heal you:-)

Becca said...

Hugs to you, Jamie! If you can, focus on the positive and smile....smiling always lifts one's spirits....in spite of one's self!

momanna98 said...

Breathe in, breathe out. I know the feeling! Pack, look forward to being with your family. Don't bury your feelings about your baby! Of course you're sad! Just think about the other adults that your kids will get to spend a lot of time with while you're up north... ;-) I know when my relatives are around, the kids don't care about being around me! :-)

Anonymous said...

Just think the kids will get to see their Nanny and Papa and you get to see your mommy! Looking forward to seeing you soon!

Love you.

Aduladi' said...

Oh my dear sister! I wish you could be a fly on the wall of my house. It may not make you feel better, but you would at least laugh in the knowledge that you are not alone in this!!

Go turn on your favorite praise music REALLY loud and dance around your house for a bit and praise your King. If that does not make you feel better than head for the chocolate. I will even send some post haste if necessary, LOL!

Merry Christmas my friend!