I am in a real big fat ugly funk. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of my kids. I just feel like I'm doing the worst job of mothering ever. I know its a lie from the devil himself but its how I feel nonetheless. I feel like I can never get a word in edgewise with my husband because my rude children never let us talk. I feel like I have emotional needs that aren't being met. I feel like I can't talk about the babies I lost, like I have to keep it buried. I feel like my body is a failure to not be working properly and I wonder when and if it will. I have so much to do to get ready to go 'home' that I don't even know where to begin. I am overwhelmed. I am annoyed. I am crabby. I really feel like I'm on my last thread. My kids are running around the house like wild and just can't settle down. It's been like this for weeks. I know they're kids but it drives me nuts. I can't do something simple with them without a catastrophe happening. Why can't I just do it and enjoy it? Why am I simply surviving in this role and not fulfilling it the way I need to? When will I get it right?????