5 Things You Own

Rebecca tagged me so here goes...
I had to get up and look for some of these answers...very tricky...

1. Name a CD you own that no one else on your friends list does.
Steep Side of the Hill by White Water. This is a family in the U.P. of Michigan that has some awesome talent! They play many different instruments- clawhammer banjo, fiddle, hammer dulcimer, mandolin, etc.

2. Name a book you own that no one else on your friends list does.
My mom gave this to me and I have yet to read it. It is called The Sweater Letter and it is by Dave Distel. It is about a murder that took place in the U.P. I normally stick to Christian material when reading a book, so maybe that is part of the reason this book has sat on the shelf. But, I also forgot I had it!

3. Name a movie you own on DVD/VHS/whatever that no one else on your friends list does.
The Ultimate Slugfest at the MS Coast Coliseum! This is one of the Slugfest's Zach was in and he bought the DVD. I'm sure nobody on my friends list has a copy of it (although I do think he may have sent a copy to his brother & Amie).

4. Name a place that you have visited that no one else on your friends list has.
Fort Fisher near Wilmington, North Carolina. It is an Air Force "Rec Center" and one time when my parents came to NC we stayed at Fort Fisher. I was so fearful of bugs- we thought the place was nasty! But anything for my stepdad to save a dime;) It was the same time we saw filming for the TV show One Tree Hill. Pretty neat experience!

5. Name a piece of technology or any sort of tool you own that you think no one else on your friends list has.
Well, I have this bath spa mat thing. It is supposed to suction to the tub and produce bubbles. I think I've only used it one time! It doesn't suction to our tub!

If you decide to play let me know. I'm too tired to tag anybody!

Doctor Visit

Well I had an ultrasound. The baby is still in there. What I had passed was just a blood clot. So, it could be awhile before my body kicks in to deliver this baby. We asked exactly what happens with a D&E. It is not pretty, just as I suspected, and not something I want to do to my child. I'm sure some people think I'm crazy for continuing on like this and not getting it over with, but this was a baby from the time of conception and although he or she is dead I cannot imagine doing that to my child. Emotionally it is draining but I have my good and bad moments throughout each day. Please pray that I begin to sleep well. And pray for my Cuddly Boy who has had a fever all day. He's just miserable. Thanks everyone for your love and support! Oh yeah, my blood work came back fine so that doctor really seems ok with me just waiting it out now. As long as I'm continuing to stay healthy of course.

Nothing

So, no contractions. Nothing. Slept fitfully again. I just want a good nights sleep. Sabella called this morning to see how the night went and to suggest maybe my body absorbed the baby since I'm not bleeding much. That would be even sadder for me...I was really wanting to see and hold this child in my hands. But, if that is the case that would mean that hopefully this physical part would be over. I go to see my favorite doctor (not) this afternoon and the first thing I'm asking for is an ultrasound. I'll let you know the news when I can.

Help from A Midwife

***May contain TMI...

So, my friend, Misty, calls me up today and asks if I thought of talking to a midwife. Never crossed my mind. She gives me the number of one and I called tonight. I talked to this lady for almost an hour. She recommended drinking water and then an enema (I have been constipated for a few days). She was the sweetest German lady and I found out that when she was in Germany alone she helped deliver over 1,000 babies (and its been more since she's been in the states)!!! Then she said she would come over to give me an enema (a mixture of water and liquid soap). Now, she lives at least 30 minutes away! It was after 9 pm! I totally didn't expect it, but she said that with being constipated it could prevent what needs to happen- contractions and all. So, this sweet lady comes and helps me out. It sure worked as far as constipation goes. Who would think, water and liquid soap? I also drank 3 big glasses of water before she arrived. So hopefully with things loosened up we'll see some progress. I just feel so blessed that she came to help me out. She gave way more information than a doctor! So lets pray that something happens soon...as if we haven't. It's just a ray of hope for me and I needed it. Thank you sweet Sabella!!! What a blessing!

Blessed

I just had to post real quick on how blessed I am by Zach. He has been an amazing help. The times when I want to do nothing he quickly picks up the pace and does it all. He's really been the one taking care of the kids (and me too). It is so helpful. He's always there to give a hug and hold me when the tears come. This has really drawn us closer. I am so thankful for him and the huge help he has been. I can't even describe it all.

And my dear Princess. She is so intuitive to my needs. She knows when mommy needs a hug, a prayer or just some quiet. I am so blessed.

Question of the day: Progress?????

Yesterday I had cramping pretty much all day, so I drank two cups of Red Raspberry Leaf Tea in the evening. The cramping got worse and I was having contractions. I could barely sleep last night from being in pain. It wasn't the worst pain I was in, but uncomfortable. I awoke this morning and used the bathroom and felt something pass. So I got my gloves on and dug in the toilet- after all the last thing I want to do is flush down the baby. It was not the baby. I am thinking it was the placenta- it was huge. Even with my other miscarriage I never saw a blood clot that big. So, I called the doctor. They're so wishy washy and all. I'm really not bleeding much, so I think they see no dire need to have me come in. But I want to know, is it the placenta? Is my baby about ready to deliver? I'm fearful to go to the bathroom at all now! He (the doctor) told me to see how the morning went, so I'm thinking I may call and see if I can't just go and get an ultrasound to know what is going on. Please continue praying. I'm really hoping this is over soon.

Waiting Game

The past two or three days I tell myself, 'Today is the day'. But that hasn't been the case. I try to wake up and think this nightmare will be over. Last night I went in and got checked out because I called to ask about my upset stomach and headaches. I was there for about 10 minutes and sent home. I keep thinking something will happen, but it hasn't. The dreaded doctor will be back this week and I was really hoping to avoid him. I'm thankful for your comments and prayers. It just amazes me. Please pray for Paige, who is also going through what I am. And remember to keep my friend, Sheri, in your prayers also. God bless you all!

Aches & Cranks

Last night I started bleeding and thinking maybe its finally time...but still nothing. Today if I haven't had a stomachache I've had a headache. I'm so crabby. I'm tired of cleaning up the mess my kids makes at the table. That's about all the work I've had to do yet I'm tired of it, especially when I don't feel good. I am so tired of waiting, waiting, waiting and I know people are praying yet I just don't see anything being answered. I'm just fed up right now. When will the Lord end this physical part so we can move on??????

Overwhelmed with your Love

It seems every time I come back to the computer there is a new comment from somebody I've never heard of who is praying for us. People are posting on their blogs for us. I cannot express to you what this means to me. You are all SO wonderful and it has been such an encouragement and blessing.

I went today to get more blood drawn. My blood clotting levels are higher than last time, so that is a good thing. I'm so thankful because I was fearing if they were lower they'd tell me to come in in the morning and get the surgery. I also found out the doctor isn't going to be back into town until next week (he had told us he'd be back tonight). So, that is a good thing. Now I'm just hoping my body kicks in to deliver our angel baby before he comes back. Is that evil thinking? I was telling Zach last night that when he would check me and I'd bleed a bit and it seemed like he'd take his gloved hand and make a face at the blood or whatever. He's a doctor! He should be used to that stuff. I really just don't care for the guy. But, God will work it all out for His good whatever and whenever it happens. My sister-in-law, Rachel, had some wonderful words for me yesterday. We were talking about God's timing and she had told me that even though we want it right now maybe something would happen to me at this point and God knows. Only He knows and only His ways are perfect.

On another note, I had to share this picture with you:

This is the loot I got for my Pampered Chef show. I paid $40 for more than $200 worth of products and this is what I got! Of course, I haven't used any of it yet, and in light of my situation who cares, but it brought a little light to a cruddy day.

Sadness

That is how I feel today. I found out this morning that one of my very dear friends is also having a miscarriage right now, however she didn't even know she was pregnant. Please lift her up in your prayers. It just broke my heart to know that somebody else is going through this. There are also a few other ladies I know of dealing with the same thing right now. I just don't understand why. I know all those Bible verses about God working things out for those who love Him. Yesterday the sermon was awesome- felt like it was speaking totally to me. But still I doubt and wonder, "Why, why why?". I know this is normal. I just feel so heartbroken today, not only over our loss but the losses of others. And still no sign of delivering our baby anytime soon...absolutely nothing is happening. Frustrating. But God is still protecting us under His wing of care. I feel His presence enveloping me. Thanks for praying for us! We feel them!

I'm home...for now

Well, I went in Thursday morning and was given Cytotec to get labor started. To make a long story short, at least for now, the 6 doses they gave me Thursday and Friday didn't work. My cervix did soften and I dilated to maybe a 1. Last night I was having contractions 6 minutes apart but then they just went away. So, they released me and I still have to deliver our baby at some point. There is still a chance of getting a D&E (similar to a D&C) but that is something we're really trying to avoid. I feel fine physically. Even emotionally I'm ok most of the time. I can feel everybody's prayers- it has been an amazing past couple of days. God's peace has really surrounded us and I thank all of you for praying. I will try to update with anything further.

Tomorrow

At 6:30-7 am I will be getting induced. I am very nervous and have so many feelings going through me. They say it could take anywhere from 12-36 hours so I have no idea when I will be home. I have asked my dear sister-in-law, Amie, to update you all on my blog as she gets any updates. Thanks for all of your prayers. It means SO much to us. You have no idea. I know words can't take away our pain, but the support we have of friends is so amazing. Anyway, I need to try to get some sleep, yeah right. Thank you all.

Gone

Our baby is gone. There was no heartbeat yesterday. Please pray for us.

Resemblance

At the top, Zach making a face just like our Little Man!
Below...Tell me you don't see the resemblance!?!?

OK, when the rest of you talk about Blogger problems with posting pictures is it when you try to post them from Picasa? I'm so tired of them showing up and later not showing up! Help!

Picnic in February!

It was so gorgeous out today that we had a picnic outside. The kids were thrilled! There is no doubt that Little Man is a product of his father...in this picture his face looks just like daddy! And I have a picture of Zach where he's making a face just like Little Man!

Cuddly Boy was being silly here.

And the Princess with her her silly sunglasses!

And here is Cuddly Boy licking the cheese out of a cracker! I think he looks so cute sporting a baseball cap!

Princess Progress

Today while brushing the Princess's hair she was holding a Barbie. She was chattering away as usual and then said, "There's a lady, not this Barbie, another one, that is coveting this Barbie's husband". Oh my, did I laugh! She then told me that the other Barbie was even trying to dress like the Barbie in her hand so that he would notice her. The things this girl comes up with! And to remember such a thing as coveting! I really am proud of what Princess is becoming. I keep telling my children the most important thing they can know about is the Bible and she sure remembers her Bible! Praise God!

On another note, last week and this week I gave her some piano lessons. Nothing big, just going over a book we have. I'm not too knowledgeable about piano, but seeing as I can read music and play somewhat I figure for now I can handle it. I was SO proud of her tonight- she played a song using both her left and right hands. It was pretty much a 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' tune, but she caught on so quickly! Maybe she is picking up from years ago?

Anyway, just had to brag about her a bit...especially since I still don't have a recent picture of her to put up!

Nature

We decided to take a drive through Gulf Islands National Park today. Here is what we saw. Couldn't see it real well until we put it on the computer! We're hoping to go back when more may be sunning.

I just thought this was a pretty picture of the bayou with everything reflecting off of the water. Reminds me of a puzzle.

These birds are one of the many you see down here. Pretty.

Aspiring Pianists

Have yet to get one of the Princess...


****WHY ONE MINUTE ARE MY PICTURE THERE AND THE NEXT TIME I COME TO MY BLOG THEY'RE JUST X'S AND THERE IS NO PICTURE!?!? HOW FLIPPIN' FRUSTRATING!

Clarification

Ok, I probably seemed so heartless in the last post about homeless people. I totally feel bad for them (most of them). It's the ones with brand new and name brand items (shoes, backpacks, clothes) that I have a hard time feeling sorry for. I guess maybe they get them from various shelters or whatever but when I see somebody asking for money wearing shoes that even I can't afford my heartstrings do not cry out. I have seen my share of homeless in big cities and it is so sad. But I have also seen people who don't look quite so homeless asking us for money and I have a hard time with that. We'll buy you a burger if you need food. But to give money and not know what it is actually going to go towards, well, we try to steer clear from that. Anyway, just wanted to clarify so you all didn't think I was some heartless soul! It is really hard to draw the line in this area. I know the Bible teaches to give, if somebody needs a drink to also give him food, etc. Sometimes it is just hard to see that there is actually the need with some of those people 'begging'. Ok, I'm done.

What happened to that sweetness???

I was fed up. I had had it. There is no reason it should take a child about 1 hour to clean his toys. How does he manage (with help from another) to destroy his room in such a short time? How does he walk, for I cannot even see the floor! After continually telling him to clean up and realizing my fuse is getting shorter and shorter I grabbed a garbage bag. Now mind you, this is a DAILY occurrence- not just a one time thing. This seems to happen every single day. The toys abound yet I have no idea where to begin as far as getting rid of them. Well, today since it was not appearing any cleaner I cleaned up by throwing whatever was on the floor in a garbage bag. The boys started wailing. The toys are in the garage. Once I am shown that they can clean up I will return their toys. In the meantime I have got to get rid of some of them so we're not all so overwhelmed.

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I am looking into what I want to do for school next year. Mainly I'm looking into some history and science that I can do with various ages (7-3 yr olds). So, what do you just love and recommend? Thanks to Teena I will probably use A Child's Geography. It looks like something my children would all enjoy. Speaking of history and science, you can go to Tapestry of Grace and sign up to receive a FREE 3 week study on Egypt. I just got mine in the mail yesterday! I'm still undecided on whether to switch to Math-U-See. I need to get my hands on it and check it out in person. Luckily there is at least one person I know in my area that uses it so I'm sure that won't be a problem.

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Yesterday we went out to lunch with Zach (only to Taco Bell). Well, the town we were in and that area aren't exactly the nicest. To think they offered us a base house there- you just drive down that road and shiver. It's not like inner cities, but its just nasty. Anyway, I'm sitting there and in walks a homeless man (or so I'm assuming). He had just come in to use the restroom and left. We were just finishing up our food and I see another man walking toward the door. He is carrying two grocery bags and I can see canned food in them. He's also got this brand new Ralph Lauren backpack. He walks in and immediately looks in the garbage can. I sit there puzzled, wondering what he is doing! Then he takes out an empty cup- that has been used as it was in the garbage- and goes into the bathroom. Out he comes and you can tell the cup had been rinsed. He goes to the drink machine fills up and leaves. I was floored! Zach did not believe me that the guy had been digging in the garbage as his back was to him! I just did not even know what to do! It just seemed so wrong to me, like he was stealing, even though it was a drink! I am so thankful that in our neighborhood we do not have people of that nature walking around. We do have the man on the bike that you see all over our town. He has this huge stuffed dog on the front of his bike and a long beard. He wears the oddest clothes. Sometimes we see him at the library. Sometimes it is hard for me to feel bad for these homeless people. Often we'll see people by Wal-Mart with signs that read that they've broke down and need money. Well, where is their car? I just don't understand. I know there are programs and shelters everywhere to help these people. I know we as Christians are to give to those in need, but where do we draw the line? I don't know, just some thoughts...

Sweetness with a taste of giving

Oh, I have figured out the sweetness of enjoying my children today. It was going to be a normal day of doing school and all that, but Zach called and had forgot his ID card at home so he asked if I could meet him for lunch. On the way to the base (about a 1/2 hour drive these days) I put in some children's praise music and it was so enjoyable. Little Princess knew some of the songs from choir or her Cd's. On the way back home I put in a Psalty tape that was mine when I was a kid. Oh, it was so fun! Little Princess was back in her seat trying to sing along, doing some hand motions and really enjoying the music. I was singing along just like I did when I was a kid. It was so fun! Then it hit me. This is what it is all about. Sharing times like this with my children. Singing together, praising God and having fun. Normally at that time we would have been home eating lunch and doing school, but instead we enjoyed a car ride and some praise songs. And it really struck me. So, it is my goal to do this more often in my home. Provide music time where we can listen to all these fun praise songs and let loose- dance, sing and just have some fun!

On another note about my children, God has really been showing me something lately. For a few weeks in Sunday School we talked about tithing. We do tithe our money. Of course Zach is the one making the money while I stay at home with the children. So, I was thinking of how I could 'tithe' with my staying at home. And God spoke that I need to be investing in my children daily, moment by moment, instructing them and training them in righteousness to walk in the shoes of Jesus. After all, He gave me this important role as a mother. He is the one who has laid upon my heart the task of having children, homeschooling and raising them for Him. So, I need to be giving my ALL for the sake of my children. Am I the best mother I could be? Am I being an example of Jesus to my children? Am I modeling love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness and self-control? Am I smiling at my children and enjoying them? Am I investing in their lives for eternity? This road is not easy. The daily tasks and struggles are not easy. But, I need to remember that I CAN do ALL things in Christ who STRENGTHENS me.

Dragging My Feet

That is how I felt this weekend. I think because I was so busy during the week I paid for it on the weekend. After my show Friday night I just was a zombie. I did have a good show though- about 20 people showed up! I think I'll be getting like $165 in FREE products, not to mention some other discounts. It is SO worth it to have one of these parties!

Yesterday I lounged around for most of the day and did absolutely nothing. It was so nice but I felt real lazy and I think my lying around made me feel even more tired. I really hope I begin to feel perky again soon. I'm tired of constantly getting worn out!

For the record, Zach really thinks strongly that this baby is a girl. I don't have a clue and even if I did I wouldn't trust my intuition. With Cuddly Boy I could have sworn I was having a girl. We toss around names now and then but haven't really agreed on anything. For girls we like Naomi and Abigail. For boys Zach really likes Gideon but I love Malachi. It is so fun coming up with names! For girls it is difficult because we want to stick with Bible names but there's not a whole lot of female names.

Last night Cuddly Boy slept in his bed ALL night!!! It was SO nice, but after 4 am I had a hard time sleeping because I'm so used to him being in there! Now he is supposed to be napping but is playing away and yelling "I poop" so off to diaper duty I go...

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