Thursday, June 24, 2010


I know I blog about me, me, me. It is my blog after all :) And lately a lot of it has been about me, as opposed to sharing about my kiddos. Well, today I'm going to share a bit about them. You know, it's not just Zach and I 'suffering' from losing a child. Our children also lose out on having a baby brother. Just one less playmate. One less seat at the table filled.

The other day I went out to lunch with the "Air Force wives." There was a 7 month old baby there. Abby loves, loves, loves babies! Just the other day I caught her holding her baby against her, patting her back and saying, "Shhhh." Priceless. So at lunch the other day Abby sat by baby A for awhile. And it was so cute to watch her smile at the baby! When I held little A for awhile Abby just loved it. And I began to cry. To think that she has to miss out on having a little brother. She adores babies so much and she would've loved mama to have a baby!

Then there's Gabe. I remember two different times when we'd gotten together with some friends. Little F is just a little younger than Abby. F was climbing up and down the stairs and doing just fine and her mother was not concerned in the least, but Gabe was right there behind her, making sure she didn't fall! What a big heart! At lunch the other day Gabe started to play with baby A, getting her to laugh. He totally enjoyed it and I loved seeing the smile on his face, yet it also saddened me a bit. Gabe loves babies. He's so good with them. And he too is missing out on the chance to entertain and love on his baby brother.

Same with Josiah and Hannah. I know some boys just don't care about babies, it's just not so much a 'boy' thing. But boy, my boys just love babies! If a baby sits in front of us in church their attention will be on that baby and they'll just get smiles on their faces to see those babies. I know how excited they were to have another baby in the house and now that's no longer going to happen. It just stinks to think how they too miss out on the joys of a baby.

Hannah is much older now than when Abby was born. She's such a huge help with Abby. But for her to be able to learn to care for a newborn- what better way to learn to be a mama than to help with your siblings! And now she too is missing out on learning more. It just devastates me. It's one thing to know that Zach and I miss out on the baby and grieve for him, but to know that my children also lose out on just crushes the heart.

Today is 3 weeks since I delivered Nathaniel. Where has that time gone? Will it get easier? More and more trials keep popping up that it seems it ll never get better and yet I have a tiny thread of hope, just a fraying string, that yes at some point things will indeed get better.

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