Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Today on facebook I posted something generally the same as what I blogged about earlier...about it being 2 weeks and how I "should" be 20 weeks. I got a comment:

but what about the 4 wonderful treasures you have here? Please don't let the ones in heaven take away from the joy and good times with the ones He left here with you. You get to decide what you dwell on. (said in a sympathetic, calming tone of voice, Jamie, cuz I feel just awful you keep having to go through this.)
For REAL? Really? Did you JUST SAY THAT????????????? That is ONE thing people should NEVER say to someone who lost a child/baby! It is just unreal how people act like just because I never "met" my baby or my baby never breathed a breath that people think we shouldn't grieve. I guess if you haven't been in this boat you just don't understand (some people more than others), but come on!!! I got a couple of private messages about how this comment disturbed other people- one who is in the boat with me right now and one who's never been in the boat. They were pretty much appalled and like one said, if you lost your mother its not like people would say, "Oh suck it up, you still have your dad!"
And you know something? I DO treasure my children! I DO enjoy them! I AM thankful for them. Even more so NOW than 2 weeks ago. I KNOW how blessed I am. But seriously, I will grieve for my baby. I will miss him. He was "supposed" to be a part of our family HERE on earth! I will continue to be honest in my feelings both here and on facebook. I will always be me and no matter what anybody says, I will not keep my mouth shut (well in regards to my feelings)- its just not who I am!
I know people mean well. I know maybe they just don't know what to say. I know they try to be encouraging. But seriously, THINK before you SAY just never know if what you're saying doesn't quite come out right or isn't taken the way maybe it was "meant" to be. If you haven't been in this boat, you just 'don't get it'! And I'm quite thankful for those of you who haven't had to be here! I'm also thankful that all of my great friends who HAVEN'T been where I'm at have been super supportive and not said anything STUPID!


Kim said...

I agree, that is is cold hearted to say. Cant believe someone could be so insensitive.

DDK23 said...

OMG I can't believe someone said that! I am one of those people who has never been in your "boat". While I can't fully know your pain (nor do I want to ) I completely understand that pain is real.
It's wonderful how completely honest and open you are being with everyone everyday. I think more people need to realize everyone feels things differently and that is ok.
We need to support people where they are, and not expect them to come around and feel something else.

PBJCJ said...

I think I said this before, but dont EVER feel like you need to apologize for being you! We all love you because of your honesty and openness!! And I know you love those babies (all 7 of them) more than anything, one of the most precious qualities you possess. I am thankful for your frankness and your open heart. I just hate knowing that same heart is hurting. Love you!

Becki said...

I saw that comment Jamie and it cut me to the core. I hoped and prayed they just came across wrong. I hope they just weren't quite sure what to say. ((hugs))