Morning/Mourning

This morning the gang was up early. Right away I could hear my boys telling Hannah goodbye, as if she was leaving that very moment. All morning long that's all they would say. I awoke too tired as it was just after 7, I think, and I have been going to bed so late (that's the only way I 'cope' at night). So I was rather cranky in my head, then to think that Hannah AND my mom were leaving. What a heavy heart I woke up with, to my already heavy heart! When it was time for them to leave Hannah came and sat on my lap and I just held her and cried, telling her how much I'll miss her. She got a bit teary too. I got up and hugged my mom goodbye and cried even more. Then we went outside to see them off and the boys and Abby started to wave goodbye and I just stood there, with Abby in my arms, sobbing. I was sobbing loudly too! Gabe even said that my crying was going to make him cry! Sweet boy! It was so hard to see my mom go and to let Hannah go. I wanted to cry out, "Don't leave!!!! I need you here with me!" But alas they are gone and I've cried off and on. We've talked on the phone a few times. My stepdad just called me to see if Hannah is really on the way there and I began to cry again. It is so weird here without her!

After they left I just turned on the TV for the kids and just spaced out. My mom then called to say she was on the road (she had to stop at the funeral home to pick up Nathaniel as he'll be buried in MI). I was talking to her and all of a sudden the tornado sirens started to go off! The boys began to freak out, I frantically told my mom what was going on and tried to get us all int he basement! The dog freaked out and wouldn't come downstairs so I had to lock her up and have Josiah carry her down. I was a bit freaked out, but trying not to show it because the boys were scared enough. We huddled under the basement steps, Abby playing with a teddy bear and the boys and I talking. I'd come up once in awhile to check on things. The sky looked wicked crazy for awhile and it was so eerie because it was just so calm- no rain, no wind, nothing. But I'd heard we were supposed to get crazy winds. The sirens would keep going off and freak the boys even more! Thankfully we got some gusts, but nothing serious. It did begin raining, thundering and lightning but it wasn't that horrible. Finally I decided it was safe to come back upstairs and at that point my friend texted me to tell me the severe thunderstorm warning was over. Phew! What a relief! It was such an eventful morning that when Zach got home at 12:30 I took Abby upstairs and napped with her! Too many emotions for such a short time span!