I've always held such great value on friendships. It is amazing how through the years and distance I've been able to keep in touch with certain friends. Even more amazing is how you pick up right where you left off, like it was yesterday, even if it was 3 years ago. That is a 'God thing'. But what about those friends who drift away? I've always had a difficult time with that.
With being an Air Force wife we move around quite a bit. So we meet a lot of people. Be it best friends, good friends, acquaintances or just somebody I barely know I love to keep in touch with them all. Let me tell you I'm thankful for myspace and facebook, and even my blog...but this isn't a plug for those.
In North Carolina I had a friend who lived across the street from me. While we weren't 'best' friends we were good friends. Her hubby was gone quite a bit and I tried to be there when she needed somebody. I enjoyed her company. I haven't heard from her since we've moved from there. I've tried to 'look' for her online but she has a 'common' name! There are other friends from NC that I haven't had such fortune to keep in touch with either. Then there are those I 'see' through the internet. Sometimes we talk via phone, but its difficult with children around to have a decent, uninterrupted conversation! I know email and the internet 'avenues' are not the most personable ways to keep in touch, but they at least provide a means to do so, especially when distance is a factor.
Now I find that as we left Mississippi there are those who've also lost touch. It really saddens me. Please know I'm not 'complaining' just telling you what's on my heart (it seems that lately when I post things on my heart people mistaken it for complaining). And I know how busy we all are...it's not like I expect a phone call every day! But I love to hear how friends & their families are doing!
Remember before I mentioned I'd tried to call my 'doctor friend' from MS when I was dealing with pregnancy & the kidney stones? I never heard from he or his wife!!! Recently I emailed a lady from the church we went to. I consider her a friend, though its not like we really 'hung out' alone or anything. It was mostly in group settings. She was so sweet when we lost Malachi, checking on me, visiting me in the hospital, bringing us food. I haven't heard from her. Maybe I didn't have the right email address? She may be one of the 'offended' from my post long ago? I'm curious to know how she & her family are!
There are other friends I'd never thought I'd stay in touch with as well as we have. Angie lived in MS and moved to ND. I didn't think we'd have much contact, but I talk to her on the phone almost every day! My friend Becky from MS is another...I'd never thought we'd remain in such great contact! Even Rebecca, a friend from grade school, and I keep in touch (mostly through blogs but still). Then there are others that I really miss and think about (from all over). It's just too bad some people choose not to keep in touch as well. Anyway, just some thoughts I've been having. What about you other military wives, how do you deal with it without having hurt feelings?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friends forever?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
Me personally....it is really hard to lose those friends that you thought would be the close ones even when you left.
My heart is huge and I tend to get 'burned' a lot....so it's hard for me to open to new friendships, but once I do I give it all I can.
I know the value of a great friend, even ones that are thousands of miles away.
I will say this---I have a friend in NC that I literally talked to each day while Nick was in Korea and for about a year after that. But I have not talked to her except for a handful of times in the last year. Her life is changing and I really do not agree with the path she is leading away from her marriage, but when I talk to her she expects me to "understand" and haha laughs about it all.
That's just my experience.
Oh & Jamie, I have to say that I felt an instant bond with you when we met. Your heart is so wonderfully open and loving. It was refreshing to meet a woman that is dedicated to her family.
And then with all that happened to you when you lost Malachi, I knew that our bond was sealed. That day watching your kiddos, knowing that you delivering him....my heart just ached. And then when we came over after you got home...sitting on your couch, holding you and crying together...well you know.
Ok......now I am crying........
Thanks, now I'm crying too:) You have always shown nothing but love and friendship. I seem to get 'burned' a lot too...which is probably part of the reason I cherish the friendships I do have! Thanks for being my friend, even through the miles!
Jamie, I'm not an army wife, but i did move around a bit after high school. I don't have any contact with my room mates from college in SD. I have tried. But they don't write back. Steve and I recently lost some really close friends. Steve has been friends with the husband for 20 + years. To this day, I still can't tell you what went wrong. It hurts often to think of that lost friendship. We were what I considered best friends. But somewhere along the way, something went wrong. I dont think I will ever really know what happened. But I morn that friendship.
So, I know how you feel. We have several friends that if we do not make the contact and continually invite them over, we don;t see them or hear from them. Sometimes I wonder why we try so hard. I know in my heart why but, I get discouraged at times.
I wish I had better contact with my high school friends but we all chose different paths in life. Again, I have tried to be friends but for whatever reason, it just never worked out.
I guess if you would still like to reach out to some of them, use snail mail and give all your contact information in the letter and which one is best to contact you with and at what times. It leaves the ball in their court.
Ok, here is a question on this subjust back to you. If you have a friend that you haven't seen or heard from in 20 years, but you where close for awhile and you found them via the internet, do you think they would completely freak out if you mail them a card? I have a friend that I found this way. We where pen pals as young teens. I don"t want to freak her out that I searched for on the internet and found her but I would like to resume that friendship. What would you do?
I would say send the card!!! I probably would (and I'd probably explain how I searched for her online, but please don't think I'm a freak...not saying you're a freak tho;)). I search for people too...and while I don't want them to think I'm freaky maybe I am!!! So sorry about the loss of your friendship...that really stinks. Could it be because you guys decided to homeschool...gosh maybe you are a freak! Just kidding!!! (can't believe I wrote that when I've never met you).
I haven't been fortunate enough to move around like you and meet new friends. I can honestly say you were the only best friend I ever had being in the military. I haven't had any friends since you left. Jess and I became best friends, and that's all that matters to me. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have another friend like you. I'm just not real outgoing, kinda stick to myself. I do know alot of acquaintances, but no one to really call my friend and hang out with. I often remember how it used to be when we lived close. I miss those days. I hope one day we can meet up again. I know it's hard to keep in contact with everyone, because of having our families and everyone's schedule is so different. I often think about everyone and wonder how they are doing. I often think if they ever think of me too.
I'm not a military wife but we have moved around a lot since we got married - this is the 5th place we have lived in 8 years! I think the way that I deal with it is that I just don't get really close to anybody (I know, that's not exactly healthy but I've never been a huge people person either). I have my old friends like you and my mom and a few others that I keep in contact with but I realized that my family is really what's important. Not that I don't care about those friends I have left behind - I understand the hurt of non communication - but I try to focus on the friends that I still have and growing closer to my family.
I hate losing touch with people. i think when we move, folks kinda get that out of sight out of mind mentality. I'm in touch with a few people from mississippi, but not very many, probably because of the circumstances i left under. it's just too sad. i do aggree that things like facebook and myspace and blogs do make it easier. It's like the world has become smaller, isn't it?
Im the opposite of everyone else...Ive always lived here in Mississippi. Ive been through so many different "sets" of friends through the AFB that I cant even remember some of them. Im always the one who gets left behind. My very best friend in middle school was the first one to leave me and lose touch...and it's just been friend after friend since then.
If I were able to KIT with all my friends, I'd love to, but I barely can keep up with the ones I have nearby me. I try to make sure at least once a year I touch base with people, and hope they understand. I have had more contact with you than I have any of my other "military friends."
I have to admit that it does get hard sometimes to hear people "hate" my home, and then hear how much better they love other places than MS, knowing that I have no other options than to stay where God has us, or have N join the military so we can move too...lol. It makes it hard to get close sometimes to people who I know arent going to be staying around for long.
I do think Malachi really brought us together...
BTW...are you talking about our friend "M" as far as the emails go? If you are, she NEVER answers emails...she hasnt answered at least 3 of mine but will bring it up in other convos. Also "JV" is out of the country right now so she's busy. If that's not who you are talking about, disregard, hah!
Saraj...don't feel bad. I LOVED MS and cannot wait to go back. It's where my hubby and I plan to retire from the AF. I think Katrina really cemented that--yes it was horrible to lose everything, but we became apart of a community and still feel that way since leaving. We have lived in MN, NC and now ND--not one of those places feels like home. We are both from MN and have most of our family there, but we never had a married-family life there.
Many of our friends will call us and ask "When are you comin' home?" It's a wonderful feeling.
Oh! I forgot---our dear friends in MS (neighbors across the street) will never become so close with military families again they have said. Losing us was beyond hard and they don't want to do that again they said.....brings tears to my eyes thinking of the day we had to leave :(
Jamie, You make me laugh all the time!! No I don't think you or I are freaks for looking for people. I just know some people don't like what you can find out about them on the net.
As for the friendship, homeschooling had nothing to do with it altough she has little confindance I can do it. Or so she has told someone I know. This breach happened about three years ago as we were building our new home. She wanted a new home too and couldn't sell her home to do it and it reflected badly on our friendship. There was always a competion that I did not try to be in but she would create. The one time she didnt get what she wanted it was over. She was very ugly to me and after about six moths of asking what was wrong and getting the its not you its me response, I stopped trying. A few moths later she got pretty nasty with Steve and we confronted her DH. He told us it was all my doing. That I was the one avoiding them. I told him, wouldn'y you if all you did was get attacked when you would try to invite them to dinner? It didn't end well. I figured she was shutting down for a move like she did in the past and I was right. They moved away in January. They no longer contact us unless her DH wants something for the computer. Its still stings.
But, I will send that card to my other friend and see how it goes. Thanks
It's amazing to me that the people I always envision I will be great friends with forever are the ones who usually fade way.
The real "forever friends" are always an amazing gift from our amazing God as they are the true ones who tend to always stick around.
Hugs to you!
Post a Comment